Lipstick and Hangnails

Healing

2010-05-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

My very "minimal" scar. I think my surgeon is an amazing man. The three dots above the scar are marks made by the surgeon in pen.
I was required to wear this neck brace for two weeks, including sleeping and showering in it.
Side view of the plate and screws that are in my neck only I have one more level of fusion.
Front view of the plate and screws that are now making my neck their home

I'm recovering from ACDF surgery....Anterior Cervical Discectomy and Fusion, cervical being my 'NECK'. I recently underwent spinal fusion from C4-C7. I was having chronic headaches and tingling in my right arm, sometimes left too, that wouldn't go away at all. I've suffered chronic headaches since around 1998, but didn't know it was my neck causing it, even though I'd take one of those microwavable bean tubey thingys to work and wear it when I worked in Endoscopy way back then.

It was a big decision to undergo surgery, and one that was fraught with much tension, fear and hesitation. I even went as far as calling my doctors office to cancel the surgery. But he asked me to allow him to review my films and he'd call me back. Mind you, this is a very conservative surgeon so when he called me back and said that if I decided to postpone, it would behoove me to be very cautious since my discs were basically collapsed in places and were pressing on my spinal cord leaving a bruise that could, if I got in an accident or something, leave me with permanent damage and loss of function of my right arm. YIKES!!!

This scared me!!! And I don't think it coincidence that one morning while driving to work, the car in front of me a distance off, turned sideways so I would hit him broadside. I pumped my breaks, the road was super slippery with ice. I kept pumping and pumping, then holding the brake down.......there was a cement barrier on my left, a car on my right, I had no where to go except right into this white car turned sideways.

I said to him and to myself, "my car is toast....YOUR CAR is toast.....this is going to be a very bad day for both of us. I hope my neck can handle it.... I hope I don't get a whiplash......I prayed before I left this morning that neither me nor anyone around me would get in an accident.....I kept braking and braking and just as I figured all was lost, the white car pulled out of my lane and into the next lane, missing him entirely.

I started to bawl. I couldn't contain myself. Crying and crying thanking God. Then about a week later, I was caught in a nasty snow storm which kept me not even a 1/2 mile away from the hospital, sitting on the highway in the same place for an hour and a half. It took me four hours to get home that night. I didn't reach home until 11:30 p.m. That night the roads were so bad, fear hung in the air around me like I'd be lucky to make it home without getting in an accident. It's awful when you feel you're in danger just by driving home!

Needless to say, I kept my scheduled surgical date and am now into week 7 of recovery phase. I still have a very stiff neck and can actually feel the plate in my neck when I swallow, which my surgeon has reassured me will dissipate in time. I've never been more grateful for narcotic intervention in my life. I'm hoping in the next six months, I'll be able to say I'm grateful I had the surgery. Right now, I'm still having pain and spasms, but I keep being reassured I will heal in time. I am grateful I had the surgeon that I did. He is an amazing man.

Pika Learning to Say I Love You

2009-11-21T10:10:00.000-08:00

Our cute Rat Terrier Pika (pronounced Peeka) is being coaxed to say I Love You in dog talk by Heather and Whit. She is doing a pretty good job. We can get her to howl all the time, but only recently has she been giving us syllables to suggest she understands "I Love You".

She's so fun. When I come home, she is so excited she barely knows what to do with her energy and so will have something in her mouth so as not to bite me! Really they are really energetic nibbles. I kiss her on the neck and have since she was very tiny, so she kisses me on the neck too, but it's nibbles! She's a lot of fun.

Sara Bareilles - Gravity

2009-07-29T05:02:00.001-07:00

The dance done by Kupono and Kayla on So You Think You Can Dance is a very creative interpretation of Sara's song. I think this music video is so creatively AWESOME, I love it!

Exercise is Grrrrrrrrrreat

2009-06-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

My legs are killing me, my butt is tight making it very hard not to walk funny, my shoulders feel like they are in a tight sling, but my Pilates classes and tests are DONE! Well, almost done. I now have to accumulate 200 teaching hours, 100 observation hours and the rest of my practice hours. I haven't added up all my practice hours but I don't have that many, maybe 20.

It's a beautiful thing being this far into my training. I absolutely love Pilates. Problem is, I just had an MRI of my neck done and have four, count them, FOUR bulging discs in my cervical spine making it very hard to do the roll over, which just happens to be one of the exercises that was in my test out!

My neck always hurts and I now seem to almost have chronic headaches. I now need to make an appointment with a spine specialist! Yikes, not what I ever planned for.

I guess we don't always plan for things like this, but I don't know what I would have done, besides compete gymnastics, to have hurt my neck! No worries though....I don't plan on letting it stop me in Pilates!

The Best Mother's Day Ever

2009-05-15T19:18:00.001-07:00

I had to stare at these boxes for five days

waiting to open them.

The Reformer with Tower.

(The floor isn't finished yet)

The Cadillac (or Trapeze as it is called)

Nate sitting

on the Cadillac

I got my Pilates equipment on the 4th of May. They were supposed to be here by April 28th but were late! I was worried about it because we knew Nate was going to Utah and I wanted him to be able to put the equipment up before he left.

Too bad, so sad for me. They didn't come until AFTER my four days of Pilates training.

DAMN!!!

I was really worried about getting the 800 pounds of equipment off the truck without Nate being here. Because I bought it in the month of April, I got free delivery which would have been nearly $500.00. This only included "curbside" delivery so they would take the equipment to the garage and not help get it into the house!

I couldn't believe the guy this big moving company sent to unload my equipment. His gut stuck out to Maine and he had a limp and moved really slow. He was TOTALLY out of shape to be lifting and moving the boxes we had. I was worried he was going to hurt himself and so I asked if he had had an injury. He told me he had numbness and tingling in his leg! GREAT! This guy was going to move my $9000.00 dollars worth of equipment off a truck four feet off the ground and into our garage. At that point I wondered why I ever asked him if he had any tips as to how to get it into the house. As it turned out...he wouldn't have been able to do it himself!

Heather, Whit and I helped him finagle it off the truck and a few times Heather and I both thought he was going to drop them on the ground from off the lift! He was trying to get the boxes, which were stacked on top of each other three high, from inside the truck to the lift so he kept rocking them back and forth getting them nearer and nearer to the edge of the lift. I kept trying to brace them to make sure they wouldn't fall off and I seriously thought he was going to drop them on my head a couple times. THAT could have killed me as they were just above my head!

I was so grateful to get them in the garage I quickly signed the papers to get the dude off our land and started oogling the boxes anxious to see what was inside!

Have you ever gotten a gift in a box that big? Can you blame me for being excited? Go back to the top and look at the size of those boxes! I had to look at them sitting in my garage for FIVE LONG DAYS....just waiting for the equipment in them to be put up in my gym. That was a very long wait!

After the moving guy left, I really looked the boxes over and there were a few dents in them. THEN I read the signs on the boxes that said to look at the boxes BEFORE the delivery guy left and if there was damage, make him open them on the spot to inspect the equipment!

RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

Each box was about 400 pounds and we were supposed to take the top one off so we could inspect the contents of the bottom box that had damage. That was never gonna happen!! Especially with the help of the dude with the limp and big gut!

I took pictures and sent them to the company I bought them from. Everything turned out o.k. No damage at all.

Putting up my equipment was better than Christmas! It was the best Mother's Day I've ever had!

The gym is getting pretty crowded now what with the new additions, but I'm not complaining. It's been super fun practicing and I'll be getting into shape before you know it! I'm thinking of cutting down by one day at work so I can have more time to play! Maybe after I visit Aub and Nate and the kids in July!

Oscars

2009-04-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

Maybe I've been expecting too much, seeing Hollywood as something of a God, but ever since I was a little girl I've been fascinated with celebrity, movies and the shining vision of being a star, dreaming I was on stage receiving one of those golden cameos of honor. I can remember sitting down with my parents to watch the Oscars and listening to the presenters dressed in their royal gala, the audience filled with all our favorite actors and actresses and only dreaming I could be amongst them.

I guess I never saw the Oscar for what it really is...... a "political" award. I always saw the winner as the "best of the best". Now as an adult, I can go back and actually look at the prior winners and say with conviction that the award doesn't always go to best movie, though there are very many fantastic films honored with the award, one of them being The Sound of Music. I love how this movie makes me feel. The story line, the music, the setting, the acting, all breathe such life and love into my soul.

I've been waiting for Slumdog Millionaire to come in the mail since putting it on our queue on Blockbuster after the Oscars. Now that I've seen it, I have to go back to what motivated me to love the Oscars in the first place.

After viewing this film, I don't see how it can claim being "The feel-good film of the decade", especially when compared to The Sound of Music. I felt like I had been pushed in a sewer and left out to dry in a garbage dump!

I asked my Pakistani patient if there was any truth to the down trodden portrayal of life in India and he said "yes". That there are some there whose home consists of a canopy attached to a building and that they live there all their life. He said that the garbage dump areas truly do exist. I was appalled.

How can you compare riding bicycles in the countryside and singing Do Rae Me to children getting their legs cut off and their eyes burned out as being one and the same? I didn't "feel good" at all after viewing this film.

Not to mention that it also won for best music. The song Jai Ho showed up at the end of the film with a bunch of Indian youth dancing to a souped up version of Persian Rap with Michael Jackson dance moves and was totally disconnected to the entire movie. Why didn't they keep to the Pakistani ways and use Persian choreography? The song at the end of Wall-e made me cry it has such a potent message in it. Why didn't IT win? I don't get it.

Nah! The U.S. being at war with a Persian country and a film based on Persian lifestyle winning the Oscar isn't a political thing...... wouldn't you agree?

-------------------------------

The past three years have really changed my feelings about the Oscar and has left me disappointed and sad to say the least.

Movies have and will continue to be a constant in our families diet. I love to watch the Oscars like some people love the Super Bowl. In fact, every year I threaten to hold an Oscar party with the works, you know, champagne, hor d'oerves and ball gowns, but it never happens. I do, however, keep close tabs on upcoming movies and plunk myself down, rivoted to the t.v. on Oscar night.

The problem I've found, is that no matter how many movies I've seen in the year, the ones nominated, for the most part, are movies I haven't even heard of, let alone seen, and most likely are still in theaters, which makes it even more difficult to view them all before Oscar rolls around.

So more than likely we end up seeing the winners of last years Oscars over the span of the next year and this is exactly what we are still doing. We're still catching up on 2008 movies, which were the 2007 picks, so I'm seriously two years behind.

This year I printed up the Oscar ballots for everyone and we all picked which movie, song, actor we wanted to win and which ones actually won. It was fun but got a little heated because poor Claralynne was bored to death in a darkened room where she couldn't be two years old and run around getting into things while we were all glued to the t.v.

After finally getting to best actor/actress and best picture, it appeared that the DVR had stopped taping so when all we really needed to do was move into the next taped area on the DVR, we accidently fast forwarded and the in rewinding revealed all the winners in fast motion replay.........shoot! Oh well, no worries! Sean Penn looked great in fast-mo!

I've since viewed Milk and Vicky Christina Barcelona, only one of which was good film and it didn't have a sexy actress in it! If I had known Vicky Christina was a Woody Allen film I wouldn't have wasted my time. I can't stand him..... speaking of Hollywood Politics. I haven't the foggiest why everyone thinks he us such an icon! I really don't like his films, nor his lifestyle at all!

I have no clue why Penelope Cruz won for best supporting actress. So what if she can get angry and stay pretty, that doesn't prove she can act! Sean Penn, however, did a phenomenal job in Milk, and I will buy that film. I haven't seen Benjamin Button yet but it is in my Blockbuster queue right now and I'm waiting for it to come in the mail!

I like it when I finish viewing a movie and want to watch it again or maybe want to buy it so I can see it again some time in the future. I'm not a snob about blood and guts, one of my favorite movies is Pulp Fiction, and I can remember seeing the end and couldn't believe I actually loved it, especially because it has many elements in it that made me hate the other movies.

So I guess what it boils down to is that all the Hollywood glamour just doesn't cut it for me now that I can see through it and have my own best movie opinions. Oscar may be losing it's luster for me, but this hasn't damaged my love of movies.

Maybe I'll hold my own Oscars and pick from the films my family and cohorts actually saw in the year, not the ones the film community chose for us. Just because I feel let down by the prior Oscar winners, doesn't mean you won't find me at Blockbuster or in the theater getting my fill of movie adventure.

Getting Older

2009-03-28T00:46:00.000-07:00

I think about aging EVERY SINGLE DAY!

I look in the mirror and wonder where my youthful face went.

The secret about staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age

~ Lucille Ball ~.

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty. ~Coco Chanel~

Old Age: First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.

~Leo Rosenberg~

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon"

Said the old man, "I do that too."

The little boy whispered. "I wet my pants."

"I do that too," laughed the old man."

Said the little boy, "I often cry."

The old man nodded, "So do I."

"But worse of all," said the boy, "it seems

Grownups don't pay attention to me."

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

"I know what you mean," said the old man.

~Shel Silverstein~

I don't feel really really really old, but I remember when my eyes were opened to aging. It didn't happen when I looked into my grandmothers eyes, or felt the soft loose skin on the underside of her arm. It wasn't when I noticed my mother had gone gray, or when my dad's front tooth broke off. And is wasn't when I no longer got the full attention of my grandfather pinning me down for a whisker burn, not because I couldn't take it, but that he couldn't get back up off the floor.

It was in nursing school. My eyes were opened to what happens to us when we lose bladder control, and when our minds don't function like we want them to when memory seems to close in on us or almost disappear altogether.

I remember being really resentful of having my ignorance taken. I didn't want to know what was coming. I liked being in the dark about that part of the future. But once your eyes are open, they don't close again.

Snow Day

2009-03-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

We were told from several sources at work on Wednesday to expect 8-18 inches of snow that may start either Thursday morning or Thursday evening. So I came home, covered up the pile of wood on the west side of the house with a tarp, and hauled a load in the wheel barrel up to the front door. Today I went to Pilates to observe a teaching session and it was lightly snowing. I went to a couple stores and when I came out my car was totally COVERED. After traveling on the highway for a few minutes, it was apparent that we were in white out conditions and it was a total blizzard.

I passed four accidents in a row, the cars involved were totaled, truckers jack-knifed in the middle of the highway and not just one but three, an ambulance was unable to get through, giant plows were unable to get through. It was UGLY and I was scared!! What would normally have taken me about 1/2 hour to get home, took 2 hours.

I called work around 6:30 this evening and asked if the nurses were being required to stay over night and I was right, they weren't going anywhere! I had to do that a year or so ago! The news called it a "state of emergency" .

My car got stuck half way up the hill on the driveway so I was blocking the road. Whit and I had to pull my car up the road with his X-Terra! His car smelled like something was burned when we were done. Damn! What a P.I.T.A! Nate is in Utah, Earl is in Utah. Us kids were left alone to take care of ourselves during a blizzard! I hate feeling like a kid during emergency conditions like this. We're bringing in wood and starting fires ourselves! How many people do you know have to use the wood-burning stove for heat and live in the wilderness, (almost)? Well, we aren't really kids, but I feel like I am when these conditions arise.

Work was called off for tomorrow, hallelujah! I can catch up on sleep and house cleaning.

I'm only a step or two away from ordering my reformer. I'm so psyched about it! I got the swatches to choose the color I want on it yesterday. This is probably the hardest part about all the choices to be made. After talking to one of the instructors today, I think I may order the cadillac too. That's a whopping investment, but I'm looking forward to it.

Safe Haven

2009-03-22T22:02:00.001-07:00

Where is your safe haven? The place you turn to for serenity, peace, calmness, freedom, understanding and love? Is it your church, religion, god, the swimming pool, the backyard tulip garden, or your oil paints? What brings you back to a time, like when you were little and the cares of this earth didn't seem to exist and safety of soul was a normal existance? Did you ever feel safe as a child? Under the wings of parents who loved you and did everything in their power to provide you with all the necessities of life?

Why such deep thoughts? Well, because I'm a pretty serious person. I wish for lightheartedness every day. I wish not to be so deep. I didn't used to be so deep and serious. I used to be lighthearted but so many of the obstacles in my life seem to stand in the way of it now.

I recently joined Facebook, and at first thought I had discovered a gold mine. My husband joined before me and had mutual friends from high school added to his book that I hadn't seen in decades. I wanted to have the same thing. Even some of my own family members were on his friends list. These were family that I would love to touch bases with and I had no idea they were all gathering around in this new tool called Facebook.

What's up with that? I have a Myspace account, and NOBODY contacts me from THAT!

So I joined!

Next thing I know, some certain family members asked to be my friend on Facebook and hesitation set in.

Some of these people are "related to" other people who have hurt my family very deeply and I wasn't sure just how to respond. I didn't want to hurt their feelings by declining their friendship, after all, it was their family member, not them, who hurt me (and my family).

But they're all related (as am I to them). So suddenly Facebook became not so fun anymore.

I know this sounds confusing, but I feel I have to protect people all the time. Identity, confidentiality etc.

So I added some of the family on it and now I'm back to old feelings that I've pushed under the water for years. I know this is awfully vague, but children were involved. My nieces and nephew were awarded custody of the state, and some of my family members ended up adopting them and then turned around and declined our involvement in their lives. I wish, every time I think of it, that the kids had been adopted by outside sources rather than by my own family, because then, there wouldn't have been the discord and dissension I suffer from now. Each person in the family seems a bit unsure whose side to take and it has caused a rift and a division in my family.

I used to want to plan a reunion in the canyon for an overnight camp where volley ball, hiking, baseball and roasting marshmallows by the fire while my hubby plays guitar was a dream. I had all kinds of games in mind to play. I really had it planned out right down to the camp site, making the reservations and all. But then this happened and the desire has gone up in smoke. Which really bothers me because I am so totally family oriented.

I wonder about what God would have me feel. I can't deny my pain. I don't want to forgive, because my feelings and the feelings of my immediate family have not been considered as important. And I know my shunning them does little to effect them.

Well, I don't know it, but can't see how it has effected them much.

I can't help wonder how the children feel. They adopted them and have not included my immediate family as part of the kids true biology. It's hard to explain, but, it's as if we don't exist, and they don't want the kids to know anything about their true beginnings or where they came from, even though we are all related.

I get so infuriated, I can't even sleep or think of anything else when the subject comes up. I just want to ring someones neck and throw a tantrum. So I avoid the subject completely.

Which brings me back to the beginning of the blog. Where do you find your peace?

Daily Drudge

2009-03-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

Bought a pair of reading glasses for $20.00 yesterday at Walley World. Was excited to wear them. When I got home from shopping they were no where in my purse. I took everything out of the purse looking for them. I know I placed them in my purse at the store. I know it, I know it, I can remember tearing the tag off so they'd fit in the cute little soft cover they came with and I know I stuck them in my purse!

Freaked out........my kids are used to me not being able to find things

like my glasses

and made fun of me telling me I would find them.

It's easy to blow off the bananas or bell peppers that got left at the store. A couple bucks, that's all the loss. But I couldn't blow off a $20.00 dollar pair of readers. Why? Because I used to buy tons of them at the dollar store in Utah. I never paid over a dollar for a pair of cute reading glasses so $20.00 was too much.

Found them!

Between the passenger door and the seat! Dumb!

**********(((((((())))))))***********((((((((())))))))))***********(((((((()))))))))************

Worked today. We have a new way to self schedule online. I wasn't notified about it. Hmmmm. Feelin' a bit slighted from the 3rd floor. It's alright.....my boss apologized when she explained it to me over the phone.

Kids are going snowboarding tomorrow. I work and no one will be home with Pika! Not sure what to do.

I miss Nate but hope he is able to enjoy his family no matter if it was a funeral that took him to them.

Buckles and Dreams

2009-03-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

I woke up from a really awful dream last night that Heather had died in my arms. I ran up to her room and hugged her and cried and cried. It made me sick. After talking to her for over an hour I returned to my bed and asked my husband if I was crying in my sleep as I've done that before and he said I hadn't. I don't think I've been as involved in my children's lives as they've gotten older thinking they don't need me as much. But, I think it may be that they need me more now than ever as it doesn't just involve scraped knees and boyfriend problems. It's more in line with real adult issues and circumstances, of which, I don't myself feel all that confident so I've kind of walked away from assisting in some of those areas.

Truly, some of them frighten me and I avoid things that scare me. Like doing all the online financial prep work to get Heather and Whit into college. Nate did all that for me when I was in school and he just hasn't put out much effort to get that done for the kids. I'm so into myself and my own accomplishments right now that I just don't get involved much with their needs. I think I'm beginning to see how life is wearing my kids down trying to do adult things themselves that they have no clue how to do.

I have been so career oriented of late that my old self has been put up on a shelf and .............lately I've been missing me.............. and thoughts and feelings of peace have came to me without my asking for them. Memories as simple as the taste of a peach grown next door in my mother in laws yard in Bluffdale. Or my learning to cut wood for tole painting projects on my dad's band saw. I used to tole paint, cook meals that were good for us, clean my house, do the laundry, comb my kids hair. As simple as these things are, they bring me peace.

I haven't felt like "the mom" in a long time. Being a mother was really all I ever wanted to do as a child and that goes to show that my mother was a great role model for me. My focus has changed from that of my husband and children and providing a peaceful home, to work, nursing and making money. I miss my peaceful focus. That's not to say that nursing isn't a good field, it's just that my thought process has been that of "career" instead of "nursing". I can take all my mommy stuff to work and continue to be a mom AND a nurse and I think I really need to think of it like that.

I was asked at work yesterday if I wanted to cut down on some of my hours, largely because they are always trying to avoid sending me into overtime beings that I work for two departments. After thinking about it, and talking it over with Nate, it sounds like a good idea. I just worry about not having as much on my paycheck. It would cut me down by about 8 hours in two weeks and free me up by a day a week.

Allowing myself to think back on when I was actually "the mom" of the house brings me back to a feeling of peace that I haven't had for a very very long time. You see, over the past several years mine and Nate's roles have been reversed. Nate has been doing all the "mom" things for a long time........laundry, dishes, cleaning etc. and I've really had a tough time allowing him to take over the areas I was so proud to do myself. I've been afraid of him taking over my role entirely. I've also taken on some of his roles as well being the main money maker of the house, which I've held some resentment over for a long time. But, I had a thought this morning that gave me a sense of self and it was that no matter how many of the jobs of mine he takes over, he will never be "THE MOM". And no matter how many of the roles of his I take, I will never be "THE DAD"! We used to talk about role reversal a lot years back, but it seems we've just fallen into "doing" and just going forward with the day to day stuff and not talking about it much.

Nate is traveling back to Utah today for his uncle Roy's funeral. Earl and Veloy have been back in Utah for the past couple of weeks believing this trip would be the last they would make on Roy's behalf, and they were right.

On a weird note, I found a belt on the floor in my dressing room that was my moms. I don't know how it got there or how I got it but it has her name "Dar Dar" on the buckle. It makes me wonder if it was my own mom who sent me that dream. It took something out of me because I've been in my pajamas ALL DAY LONG, and the only time I do that is if I'm sick, tired to the point of exhaustion or depressed! I think it's a little of the latter two.

Hard Partings

2009-03-14T03:22:00.000-07:00

Love the "Nathan's" family chair

Clara didn't get her way

Meme and chubby James

Aub and her bebe's

Nate and James in the airport

First greetings since we saw them last in July '08

(Arrival date in Colorado Feb 26 '09 )

Clara was frightened of Whit at first and wouldn't go to him.

He was very happy when she gave in and fell in love with him.

Sarah Whit and Tony

Tone's teeth are green

because he ate something

green

Have you ever loved someone so much that their physical absence causes physical pain?

I wish I could quote that line from the movie What Lies Beneath with perfection. Or the one I just heard in the movie Death at a Funeral where, at his father's funeral, the brother makes a comment about how loving people causes so much emotional baggage that he'd just rather not get into personal relationships. I know what both of those statements feel like. But I'm not a stone and have just enough close relationships to feel the ever foreboding pain caused by their absence.

It's 4:00 in the morning and I've been awake since 3:00, because my little darlings are going home today, a day I have dreaded with all the fibers of my being since they first got here. See, there's where not having close relationships would come in handy because then I wouldn't feel like my heart is being wrenched in a vice and thrown out a window. That's an awful analogy but I can't seem to stop the flow of tears and I feel totally selfish for it.

It's not that my family here in Colorado aren't enough for me, it's that I don't like partings, and I don't like being separated from my loved ones, especially when I'm not exactly sure when I'll be able to hold my grand babies again, or hug my daughter. It's almost unbearable.

I'm almost to the point of being inconsolable, and I don't like it.

I've had so much fun kissing and tickling and doing acrobatics with my grand babies. I wish I had kept a journal of our days with them now. We've done a lot of shopping, Aub, me and the babies, but it got difficult with the time span in the car. Aub and Heather went somewhere together and Clara threw up in the car so from that point we took along a bowl and second set of clothes, which came in handy when Aub and I were going on our shopping spree and just as we came around a corner, Clara threw up not once, or twice, but three times in a row. James quickly followed suite and we were dumbfounded about why he would too. The only conclusion we came to was sympathetic barfing. That put a damper on things but we still went and bought a coat and shoes for Aub.

We went to a couple of play areas with the kids, which Aubrey lined up, and I'm so glad she did because I got some good pictures (and some not so good ones......still learning about photography). We all had a blast.

Aubrey has tickled our taste buds with some very yummy dinners. My favorite was the salmon Aub, but the coconut chicken breasts, seasoned whole chicken and french dip were also amongst my favorites. Your hubby is truly spoiled! She is an excellent cook and I'm so proud of her and how she is raising her little ones. She is really a very fun loving, sweet and generous mommy and I can't stop crying again.

We've had some pretty devastating events go on just recently and Aubrey has been a comfort and a boon to our family during these times and I'm grateful she was here for it although it would probably not have been something she would have chosen and I for one could have done without the drama. None-the-less, our family seems to be founded in drama and screaming, of which we were not without. What would we be like without the drama and yelling? Boring! Perhaps. Calm? That'd be a nice change, but I'm afraid I have an anxious side of me that may never subside.

Sometimes I wonder what kind of old person I'll make. I take care of a lot of cranky, mean and bull headed ones. I also take care of the sweet old man and lady types too. Somehow I don't feel I'll fit into the "sweet old lady" category.

Anyway. It's taken three hours to do this blog. Downloading pictures to my computer takes forever.

Just wanted to say.................THANK YOU AUBREY! I loved having you and your kids here.

THANK YOU NATHAN HATCH for sharing. I'm sorry you were alone so long but I really needed this.

Now on with the packing and 1.5 hr trip to the airport where I will be bawling on the inside the whole time there.

On With Training

2009-03-09T06:30:00.000-07:00

For the past four days I have been involved in my much anticipated Pilates teacher certification classes and I just had to drop a line to say how utterly excited and overwhelmed I am. There is so much I have to study, practice, and learn before returning April 30 for another four days of intense education. Don't get me wrong..........I'm not complaining.........I've been looking forward to this day for more than eleven years. I don't recall just exactly how I came into learning about Pilates, but I've been wanting to get certified for what seems like an eternity.

In the 1990's, I think I stumbled onto something online about it and ate up every little morsel of information I could get my hands on from going on sites that sell the equipment to learning about Joseph Pilates and about his lifes work in fitness and exercise rehabilitation.

I've wanted to meet Romana, one of the "elders" of the work of Pilates who actually studied under Joseph when he was alive. She is still alive today in New York. My dream was to be trained from her or someone else who got their education from "Joe" himself, and Romana would have been my choice, but as I am not going to New York any time soon I had to start my education here in Colorado. The owner of the studio that I am taking my lessons from was actually trained by Romana, so I am very close to that hopeful goal as I will be taking lessons from her too soon.

I would be considered a 4th generation student as my instructor, Kristi Cooper, was trained by Rael, who was trained by one of the "elders" that was trained by Joseph Pilates himself. I can't remember the way to spell Rael's last name, and don't remember who he was directly trained by but I'll fill in those blanks later. The heart of this blog is that I am so very happy to be where I am now, to have started this wonderful journey and can't wait to continue on with my work.

I am currently deciding between Balanced Body and Peak Pilates equipment. I need to purchase my reformer ASAP so that I can practice as much as possible at home. Lessons can add up in cost, and I thought that I had invested enough with just the classes for certification, but I was wrong. I will be spending much more before I'm through. But it will all be worth it.

I'm looking forward to the post that I will write that will contain a picture of myself on my brand new reformer. That will be an emotional day for me because I've looked forward to owning my own studio since what seems like forever, and the day I purchase my first piece of equipment will be the day I actually started my own Pilates business.

I was a gymnast, dancer and cheerleader in high school and have suffered from pain, arthritis and dysfunction from old injuries acquired therein. Gymnastics was a very big part of my life in school and the gym was my second home. Since leaving high school, I have been looking for that second home and found it when I became a fitness and aerobics instructor in my new job at Spa La Fem in West Jordan Utah. From there I had to quit my job when I got married and moved to Logan Utah where I majored in Modern Dance at Utah State University. I became pregnant with my first baby and both Nate and I lost our jobs working for Pepperidge Farms so we had to move back to Salt Lake. I became a full time mom and had too more children but decided I needed something more. Nate convinced me I should get a degree in nursing instead of computers so I became an RN, and still didn't feel like I was in the right place as my gym home had not been found. I decided to complete my degree in Exercise Sport Science at the University of Utah in exercise physiology with the idea that I would get my Pilates certification afterwords. I have been looking to Pilates for assistance in healing and recovering those old high school injuries and after beginning my Pilates classes I believe I will be able to work through all my old injuries. I can also say I've found my new niche, my peaceful place, my place of sanity, serenity and joy.......................I found my new gym home.

Feeling Subservient

2009-02-27T21:52:00.000-08:00

I really love my new job, and I like one of the girls I work with. Her name is Emily. But the other one is one of those type A nurses who complains about dust! You know the kind of person who has to have everything around them almost perfect and wants "YOU" to be just like them. And that little person inside me just wants to throw clothes on the floor out of spite.

Not literally but I really don't want to do anything she says just to show her who's boss. I have more qualifications than she does in this job, but Emily practically worships her. And so I feel like a third leg when I'm working with the two of them because they talk to each other and I'm not truly included.

We interviewed a girl for a PRN part time position today. I was told several days before this interview that there were a certain sub-set of questions that the director wanted asked, yet I wasn't included in what the questions were, and as I sat there (I was informed that I was to be a part of this interview process even though I obviously wasn't truly a "part of it"), both of my co-workers kept asking all kinds of questions of this girl, basically leaving me out. Oh yeah, they looked at me at the end of the interview and asked me if I had anything to add! I said......"Nope, looks like you two covered it".

I don't feel I should bring up my feelings to them because it won't help the situation, but I can't help feel a bit put off because there are only the three of us running the joint and I can't help it if I feel like I'm Cinderella.

That's kind of what Connie treats me like................Connie is the one I don't really like too much.

Emily's only 25 or 26 years old, and is running our rehab and she too has less qualifications than I do. It's hard on my ego. I just keep holding my tongue.

My honey gets to hear the run down of my feelings all the time and he advises me to sit quietly and add only when I have something to add, and in the meantime, just be subservient. I have a really hard time with that, but I feel he's right.

I don't like it that I'm nearing 50 years old and I'm feeling subservient to a 20 year old and I'm a 14 year Registered Nurse and have a bachelors degree in Exercise Science. How do you get the respect that should come with your hard work from all the time and energy that goes into your job and diploma? I don't know.

===Sushi Retreat===

2009-02-26T14:29:00.000-08:00

Parker, Heather and Whit with Techan (sushi chef) in the background.

Parker and Heather introduced us to AI Sushi in

Colorado Springs.

Techan is the main sushi chef at AI in

Colorado Springs.

He gives us all kinds of new tastes of sushi and occasional free

whiskey shots to those who will drink with him!

Me and Nate

Heather and Parker

Whit and Sarah

Aub and her sushi! Yum!

Clara chugs a swig.

Little James and his everlasting smile.

We went to AI Sushi the day after Valentines and it was a good thing because according to the staff, it was packed on Valentines Day.

Brother and Sister

2009-02-26T13:42:00.001-08:00

I wish I could find the picture that more precisely shows the likeness of Aub and Whit. One day I was fishing through some photos and came across it and to my surprise I thought it was Whit, but in fact it was Aub. It was a close up and I was in shock to see the likeness of the two. So we decided to take some pics to show the resemblance (although the pics are a bit kooky and out of wack we enjoyed ourselves)

Their eyes are a lot alike! (It's somewhat eerie and uncanny how much

they both appear to resemble Marty Feldman in this pic!)

They both have a natural arch in their eyebrows, have the same chins!

Obviously brother and sister.

Aub agrees, he is the male version of her and she the female version of him.

My Kids All In CO at the Same Time

2009-02-22T07:53:00.000-08:00

I haven't had all my kids in the same state at once in over a year. We've come close but are still missing one and that's Aub's hubby Nate. We miss ya man! Aub visiting has been a special treat.

Uncle Whit washing Clara's hands

Aub and James

Aub and Clara

Clara in Meme's slippers! Everyone loves 'em.

I've got Pika pics in them too.

Great grandma J. gets some lovin' from the baby.

He's soooooo heavy!

This was a balloon type ball that popped and became a hat.

Squnches up their faces. Lurv it!!

Me and Clara

Nate looks like he's posing for Me!

Aub caught a pic of us hugging

Heather be covered in dogs

Aub and her kiddles

James and Clara at the Mall

Whit's Tats

Oober cool! It's his zodiac sign (Aries).

He drew a sketch of it a while ago and the tattoo artist elaborated. I love it.

Happy Valentines Day

2009-02-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

I sat on the bathroom floor holding James as I watched the toilet paper roll unravel......again.....only, this time it did it all by itself....... I guess maybe it was used to dropping to the floor, or just anticipating those two little hands smacking it down to the ground for the umteenth time. I have raveled it back up to it's original resting state at least four times! I understand the fascination but criminitly trigger! It's getting annoying.

James has a very red rash on his face from his sister spraying the tire whitening spray at him. That junk hurts your lungs if you inhale it, and obviously burns the skin. He doesn't appear to have eye damage but poor Aub was at her wits end last night when I called to see how things were. I brought home a Dove bar and some rotten chocolate milk from the gas station for her to make her feel better. I didn't know the milk was rotten until she opened it up and drank it. I about puked too. Great way to end the day.

I don't know how she can keep up with the girl. Clara's little hands have to touch, squeeze, pull, push, drop, throw or "punt" everything within reach. Especially my poor little Pika! Poor dog is suffering the "kick the dog" syndrome. I can just get finished telling Clara not to kick the puppy and she'll do it again. How quickly we forget the "TERRIBLE TWOS"! I just hope it doesn't go into the terrible threes or fours!

___________________________

Heather complained that I only write about Aub.............. and she's right. So here's a blurb about H. She recently started a job with Outback Steakhouse. Apparently, Key Bank doesn't like people to make more than two mistakes in a career there so they drop kick you out if you do and she was........drop kicked. She came home night before last with $50.00 dollars in tips. Made $75.00 last night. Great tips, but I'd really like to get her into school. I just don't know how we'd ever pay for it, and our country is in such a great state of being right now, loans and grants are probably very unavailable. We'll see. Anyway, she's pretty free to look for other jobs while slapping steaks down for customers.

____________________________

Today is the much anticipated Sushi day Aub's been waiting for. We plan to make the trek to Colorado Springs to AI.

Happy Valentines Day everyone.

Loving The Babies

2009-02-09T05:30:00.000-08:00

I get to help with baths. Aub takes both kids in with her and I get to get them out an dry them off. I offer lots and lots of powder to their cold little bodies just as I remember my mom doing for me when I was little. Weird. I can remember my mom getting me out of the bath. She would tell me to shake off one foot, put it down on the towel on the floor, shake off the other foot. Then we'd dry me off, wind a towel around my head and apply powder. I can remember going from cold to warm in seconds flat with powder.

Clara asks for some to be put in each tiny hand and then shakes both hands leaving the powder flying in the air, only little of it landing on her body. She's such a doll.

She has the cutest lisp I've ever heard. Aub had one too. So did I. I remember mom working with me to get rid of mine. I won't do that with Clara as I didn't with Aub. They mostly just correct themselves (so I can enjoy it).

When Aub was little she called her fingers "ginners" and I loved it. Then one day she said it right and I found out Nate had corrected her to say it right. I was heart broken about it.

James is soooooooooo heavy! And he has a non-stop smile. I think he's starting to know me. He anticipates getting either tickled or a raspberry to the neck and grins from ear to ear EVERY SINGLE TIME!

He smiles so much the lady at Panera Bread followed us out from behind the counter to find Aubrey just to see him again. She made mention that her kids were grown and that she didn't have much fondness for babies, but couldn't take her eyes off him. Most people go out of their way to talk to him because he offers up his love in the way of smiling at everyone. He is such a good and content baby.

I have pictures and will post them soon.

Welcome Home

2009-01-28T20:10:00.000-08:00

I stood there poised for the picture.......... waiting to see sign of a girl with shoulder length brown hair carrying a baby and a small blonde haired two year old. People kept getting in the way of my shot......."There she is" Nate says and I see my daughter and her two little ones. There they were, coming out of the small hallway that connected them from the plane to me. She had to wait for her car seat and we weren't allowed in the corridor the help her.......believe me...Nate asked! The anxiety was building and I was getting more and more eager to hold those babies. Then my little granddaughter with the blonde hair hanging in her eyes looked towards us.

I holler to her to come see me. She looks with a sort of puzzled stair. Her mommy says...."there's grandma".

I crouch down so I'm at her level and coax her to me. She takes off running as fast as her little legs could run and I grab her up and start to bawl. I kiss her over and over, tears rolling down my cheeks. Then I spy the size of my grandson. He's SO MUCH taller than I was expecting. AND ROUND ALL OVER! Love at first sight.....well, not first sight but all over again.

It took an hour and a half just to get out of the airport. What a happy reunion. I am full of joy.

Claralynne calls out to me now.........."Grandma...." I keep thinking she's talking to the other grandma Jeppson. I have had to tell myself it's me she's referring to almost every time she calls me. And I must admit, it gives me a huge lump in my throat knowing she means ME! What a joy.

One More Day Of Waiting

2009-01-25T07:42:00.000-08:00

One more day before I get to see Aubrey, Claralynne and Jamesy boy! I'm so excited, I don't know how I'll ever get through a days work at the hospital tomorrow! I won't be able to concentrate. Lucky for me it's the "easy" day of just teaching patients about CHF! Or...maybe that will be worse because it won't occupy my mind as hard.

Nate has been deep cleaning and baby-proofing the house while I, on my day off, spent it shopping for toys and clothes for the little ones. My part in this has been much more fun, but should prove just as important for keeping our little 2 1/2 year old busy. That will be a chore-for-shore!

I went to Savers to get some second hand toys figuring I would get a whole lot more bang for the buck and I really came home smiling?

I got some blocks, about three or four dolls, a See and Say that is in excellent condition, and some cute clothes. These toys add to the already purchased toys I got at the consignment store.

I think Clara will be styling. (Oh, and three pair of exercise pants and a scarf for me!)

I plan to read and color with her, twirl and kiss her, and sing songs and make cookies with her. I can't wait.

Oh, and "The Boy"! Well, he will be on my hip for many hours, as well as being squeezed and kissed until he's tuckered out by lovin'.

The Inauguration of our 44th President Barack Obama

2009-01-22T03:25:00.000-08:00

It brings me to tears, my heart is full, that I was witness to the inauguration of the first black president in our Country. We have come from enslaving the black man, to making him president of our nation.

How far we have come.

How far we have yet to go.

I am truly proud to live in this day.

This bible was used in the inauguration of Lincoln. If there had been inclimate weather, it would not have been able to be used. Michelle Obama carried it until her husband was sworn in. How cool it is that she got to hold it.

President Lincoln who freed the slaves and our first black president. How many years did it take? How long has the black man been oppressed and lived through racism and hate?

School children from Lucknow India wear masks honoring Barack Obama as they take out a procession to mark his inauguration. Have you ever seen our school children marking the inauguration of another countries new leader? Pretty cool.

French newspapers mark this historic day.

What a cute family. I had to wonder if these girls had a clue as to how important this day was for their father and themselves.

I worked yesterday and didn't blog my sentiments on the day of the inauguration of our new President, Barack Obama. I was truly touched by his inauguration speech and plan to go back to my DVR recording and write down some of the poignant things he said.

I absolutely loved the benediction. Civil rights leader Reverend Joseph E. Lowrey's final words will stick in my head and heart forever. The entire prayer was wonderful, but his closing remarks made me laugh at the end of this historic day. You can read his entire benediction here http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics/AP/story/863605.html

"Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around...when yellow will be mellow...when the red man can get ahead, man: and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen."

President Obama has his work cut out for him with all that he faces in our nation battered by recession, wearied of war and hungry for a change after eight years of George W. Bush in the White House. I fear that in just a short time, people of our nation will forget just what state our nation was in before Barack took office and try to blame him for it's ills.

I cried during his speech. In no way do I feel that just by having him in office will he alone, be able to clean up the mess our nation is in. I mean really, how can anyone believe one man can clean up after a tornado such as the one he has stepped into. No... not just a tornado.....A HURRICANE, TORNADO, CYCLONE-BURGULAR just ransacked our home and left us in such a state of disrepair that it is illogical to believe one person alone can even make a dent in it.

At least I have a bit more hope for our nation now. At least we will be able to listen to speeches where our leader will sound like he got past second grade and won't trip on his words making our nation look like a bunch of babbling idiots.

Things That Suck

2009-01-19T22:30:00.000-08:00

1- Going in to work 07:00 a.m and finding out I didn't need to be there until 09:00!

2- Feeling like Cinderella- Love my job but feel Im being pulled in three different directions!

3- Being sick

4-Finding out Aub is STILL sick

5-Waiting over 8 days for my doc to call in my sleeping pill prescription

6- Being sick (oh I said that).

7- Wanting to exercise but still BEING SICK!

Cool picture huh?!

Chunky Lungs

2009-01-17T06:51:00.000-08:00

I've had three different colds over the last two months. The first one I had to wear a mask at work, my poor larynx was so sore from coughing that I sounded like a guy.

That one started to clear up and on Christmas Eve, I started a new cold causing my nose to drain like a sieve with a really bad cough and this left me totally down for the count on Christmas day.

Just as I was getting better from that one, I got another cold that settled in my lungs. I contracted two of these disgusting entities from my son.............he bragged at being the "Outbreak monkey". All six of us here in Jeppsontown have been hacking up a lung for the past several days. Grandpa commented that we all sounded like a bunch of turkeys with our coughing. Thanx Whit!

I don't get sick very often, or stay sick for that matter, but this stuff really started to get me worried. Especially since I am a health care worker and deal with the elderly population which can seriously be affected by just a cold. And because they really push us to get the flu vaccine, and I am a rebel in this department and will not get one, if I get so much as a sniffle I'm afraid they'll throw it back in my face that I should have been vaccinated.

(More on the matter of the flu vaccine later, an entirely new subject of which I am pretty opinionated.) But because I was so worried about getting better I went and saw the doc............still another thing I RARELY do.

She gave me a "Z-pack" and I can't believe how quickly it started to affect me. Even right after I took it. This morning I feel sooooooo much better. I am still weak and my lungs are tender and easily provoked to cough, but my cough isn't as hefty and thick sounding and I feel less tired.

This little recital is just to show how much I want to get better as I have such wonderful news.

I get to see my grand babies in just over a weeks time!

Yes, they are coming to see me and I can hardly wait!!!!!! Oh, and their mommy is coming too which makes me cry at the thought!

This brought about our little shopping excursion yesterday as we don't get to see grandkids much so our house is sadly deficient in the baby department. So both of us sickies (Nate and I) went to the kids consignment shop yesterday and bought a Pack and Play (mini crib/play-pen), a Bumbo with tray, and then traveled out to the boonies to get a barely used high chair from a grammy who bought it for her visiting from out of town grandkids.

Just going and buying this stuff makes me feel like I have babies again, it's so weird. Oh, and I invested in a few toys too because this grammy is totally uncool in the toy department.

Nate had to trudge back to the car he was so sick himself and feeling weak and achey that he sat most of the grocery shopping out. I felt bad but he said he "wanted to be with me"! Totally sweet! I felt like death warmed over too but I had an agenda! Then I went home and collapsed!

I called in sick for today to allow one more day of rest. This puts me at nearly two weeks of not working the floor which doesn't make me one bit sad! I can't believe how anxious and tired working on the floor makes me. Since I'm now officially part time Cardiac Telemetry, part time Cardiac Rehab, I only have to work one day a week on the tele floor and it's absolutely WONDERFUL!

Oh, my tele-floor co-workers have called me a "traitor" by working with another department , but I don't care. Well, I did at first. Especially since I STILL WORK THERE! But, it's just because they're left behind to deal with the CRAP! Floor work is really hard and stressful stuff and I'm glad I have something else to break it up.

I started the Pilates train rollin' as my down payment is in and they've sent me stuff in the mail telling me about the classes and such.

You can't know how excited I am for this. I finally feel like I'm going in the right direction. Nursing is a good field of work, but it's been pointing me in the direction of dealing with the sick, when I want to prevent sick and promote health! Here I am on a cardiac unit and I work with over ten people who smoke cigarettes! Even the nurse manager of our floor smokes. She's MY BOSS!!!! I don't know how they have the guts to lean over their patients smelling of cigarettes to listen to their heart and lungs and tell them if they had only had a better lifestyle, they may not have cardiac and lung issues! Yeah, makes no sense to me either!

If I'm feeling some better, and Nate is up to it, we'll go look at flooring for the gym today!

~Totally Cool~

Updated Pictures of the Gym

2009-01-13T13:59:00.000-08:00

So here are the promised updates of the work on the gym up until just prior to yesterday. I am waiting to take pics of the painted walls tonight with the lights on.

We had to take down the CD's and movies and stack them in the hall prior to removing the wall that the shelf was on.

On the right of this pic is the wall before demolition. Here is the master carpenter!

Whit and Nate taking the wall down.

Just the stick framing for the old wall is left to remove.

Whit and Nate taking down the wood.

Just a few boards left of the old wall.

All the wood has been removed and just a nice clean open space is left. I just absolutely love the large beam. We plan to hook a pull-up bar to it when all is done.

Nate is such a talented carpenter. He is the mastermind and strong arm behind all these changes. He used to build houses with his brother Vernal when he was in high school. That's where he got his training. He absolutely loves to work with wood.

I've helped out where I can, stuffing insulation, pulling out nails from the ceiling and floor, and I helped paint the ceiling. Whit has helped out too.

We moved the flat screen from the opposing wall to this one. Here it shows the cut out in the wall for the bending arm that holds the t.v. My ballet bar was moved also.

See the old cut out for the t.v. in wall on the left of the pic.

The walls are now finished in pine. They will be the background for the future shelving that will go around the t.v.

The ceiling is triple insulated for a sound barrier. First is the fluffy insulation, then this dark stinky sound board (it really smells awful) and finally the particle board that will be painted in the later pictures.

This picture shows the last layer of insulating board on the ceiling. Nate has placed the wood wall up to be able to secure the upcoming shelving, otherwise the weight of the shelves and the t.v. would cause the wall to buckle. He sealed the wood. It's starting to really look nice.

The hall just after being primed.

Here the ceiling has been primed. I love the lighting. I call them my "twinkle lights".

My husband is really amazing. He got really sick after priming the walls and ceiling, I think because of the fumes. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. The walls and ceiling have been painted. I'll update with new pictures soon.

Picture picks

2009-01-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

Just some of the pictures I've taken that I like to look at over and over again. Most were taken in 2008.

Taken inside the car....spots on the window

Plans for a New Doo

2009-01-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

When I was little, my mom kept my hair in a pixie cut and I always wanted it long. "Girls have long hair"! At least, that's how I felt. I felt like a little boy. So when I grew up I grew it out......and it took FOR-EV-ER.

But I'm considering chopping it.

Oh shut up Aub, I know I've been all talk for a loooooonnnnnng time, but we'll just see! I'm not saying I'm doing it tomorrow, I'm just saying I'm CONSIDERING it!

Joey Lauren Adams

No.........

I don't have a thing for Joey............. I just love her hair.

She's proof big boobs aren't necessary for the whole package to be darling.

Wish small boobed girls were in the limelight twenty eight years ago!

I'm thinking of chopping my mop and putting some high-lights in it. I've been growing my hair since I was pregnant with my youngest kid...........almost TWENTY YEARS AGO!

I've chopped, permed and colored ALOT since then, but I'm getting tired of the same old doo! Problem is, I know once I chop, I won't stop.

That'll be the last of my length for the rest of my life........what a concept!

Honesty

2009-01-12T20:43:00.000-08:00

This blog is about honesty. Something that I've tried to be throughout my life and have been, if for no better reason than to avoid the feeling that I'm lying by not saying what I think.

For instance........... one Mother's day I spoke up......not really considering how what I was saying would affect my mom, but I let her know how she hadn't been the most patient person in her life, and I, during this little escapade, hoped that my other family members would chime in and back me up with what I was saying as my mother did have a roughness and frequently a blatant brashness about her and had, on several occasions, been down right mean to me, my sisters and my nieces and nephews. It was at the behest of my therapist that I proceeded to lam blast my mother with my honesty. I was doing what he had encouraged me to do every week.........let mom know how I felt. Set my boundaries. Let her know just what I thought and let her know how what she had said and done had affected me in my life. I wasn't even taking into consideration THAT IT WAS MOTHERS DAY for crying out loud. Nothing like picking the proper time and place. Geez.....what kind of a daughter was I?

Of course, no one backed me up. No one joined in to help me out.

I WONDER WHY?

Seriously............I didn't even THINK!!!!

It took her years to recover from my all out blatancy, and because it took her years, it took US years to be able to talk. She totally shut down. She didn't even look at me the same. She didn't get more close to me. I didn't have a better relationship because of my honesty. There was absolutely NO BENEFIT from my honesty. It made me terribly sad and since then I try to listen to myself and what I think I should say instead of what someone else says would be the best way to handle a situation or what words to use.

Another time I was in a fast and testimony meeting and had the urge, or felt the need to express myself and I remember standing at the pulpit and telling the people I saw each Sunday how hard it was for me to live with my in-laws, and that I wouldn't recommend it to anyone as I didn't have the privacy I'd like.

It wasn't until much later that I really thought about what I had said and recognized how much this may have hurt them, especially as this was expressed to people who had known my in-laws for many years, had worked sided by side, had many dinners and activities with them, knew their kids and their trials in life and I was so honest as to tell these people just how imperfect my mom and pop in-law were. I look back on that event and can hardly believe how ludicrous I was and how self centered and foolish I was being. I didn't express how much they were helping us out. I just expressed how bad I had it. It was only later that I realized what I had done and became embarrassed by my behavior.

I've embarrassed myself far too many times by such thoughtlessness. And, sadly, I can't say I've totally grown up yet. I've let my tongue get the best of me far too many times in my life and that is my nemesis.........MY TONGUE!

What a doof.

It doesn't always take a big person to be honest. Sometimes more is said in silence by holding your tongue and figuring out how to deal with a situation rather than blab your mouth off to the world about how god damn hard your life is.

Oh do I have stories I could tell. I could embarrass the shit out of sooooooooooo many people with the stuff I know about them and how their behavior has affected me and continues to affect me, my life, my thought processes, my behavior, my emotions, my everything.

But what would that help my situation? How would I grow? How would that help those I love grow? What good would it do me or them?

We all have it hard. I've been through a lot of shit in my life and don't go blabbing to the world how fucked up my life is because of the selfishness of someone else even though there's been a lot of that! I know I'm fucked up. I know I've fucked up. I'm not perfect. My spouse isn't perfect. My kids aren't perfect. My parents aren't perfect. My siblings aren't perfect. Hell, I don't know one God Damn person in this entire messed up world that IS perfect.

I try to make my own decisions. I try to be a strong person. I fight with myself everyday to be sure I'm being a better person. And it's hard.

THERE...........I WAS HONEST.

Great Things is Happenin'

2009-01-08T15:21:00.000-08:00

I've had a little boost lately.

I helped paint the ceiling in the gym today. Awesome! Next are the walls, the shelves and finally the flooring! Then it's buy the reformer and trapeze!

My puppy is "kinda" getting the idea of the outside being where she should potty.

I've started my new job and love it!

I just put my down payment on Pilates classes that start in March.

2009 has many hopes in it for me!

My Little Dancer

2009-01-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes. My chest was full, and I was holding in emotion that felt like it would explode like a rocket volcano, waling to wake everyone in the house! I laid there thinking about the dream I just had. It was about my Aubrey. She had been taken away from me because my home wasn't a suitable and stable environment, and so she was placed with other relatives to be raised by them.

I was talking and reminiscing with someone about what she looked like... her beautiful auburn hair... and the person shattered my memory of her by saying, "oh no, it's more like pink now".... meaning she had grown up and it had lightened. I felt like I had been robbed of so many of her growing up years at that moment, and the feelings of jealousy, rage and sadness set like a lead weight in my heart.

Then I was at a performance of some kind and Aub was the star of the show. It involved a large box and two other people who had her dance her way into the box, then they flipped the it over, as though it was some magic trick, and they weren't gentle so she was tousled around in the box before it magically opened on the other side and Aub popped out with her arms high in the air as if to say Ta-da! Her little giggly personality and kind of flippant movements reminded me of how she was as a little girl. I hadn't seen her in a very very long time and my heart ached with both joy and sadness. It was at that point I started to cry and kind of woke up.

It was also at that point that I took an initiative and said both to her but more to the world and the people who took her from me that I would never allow this to happen again, and NO ONE would ever be able to have that kind of control over my daughter or take her away ever again!

Boy it made me miss her little girlhood. It brought back memories of her joyous and loving little sweet personality full of giggles and wonder that I thought I'd forgotten. It let me see the little girl side of my Aub that I will always cherish.

She is now a mommy herself and has a little girl (and boy) that are the light of her world (and mine). The joy that comes from kids is something that I am so very glad to say I've experienced in my life. I know I am a blessed woman to have born and raised three of the most wonderful people in the world. And the blessings keep coming.

The dream can be interpreted in several ways, but I really think it just shows how much I love and miss her, and how much I really enjoyed her as a child. I continue to enjoy her now.

I love you so much Aub.......mom.

2009 Goals

2009-01-03T07:27:00.000-08:00

So what have you done the first two days of the year? I worked on the 1st and 2nd (and the 31st). When I woke this morning it felt kind of like I'd missed something...............PLANNING! I missed setting my goals for the year PRIOR to the beginning of the year.

That's o.k. I'm only three days into this year. There's still time!

Fitness or losing weight is probably the goal that is on the top of MOST peoples list of new years resolutions, and I can't exclude myself in this. In fact that is ....THE... GOAL.... of the year. My Pilates training is coming up in March. I'd like to at least be able to touch my toes before I go to be trained to twist in a pretzel.

My second goal that has been placed on my list and forgotten every year for about three years is at least STARTING on the project of putting my pictures in albums. I have soooooo many boxes of photos and we never get to see them because I can't commit to putting them in a book! Realistically I must place this as beginning in about July to August as the months leading up to them will be packed with starting a new job this month, then Pilates training from March through June!

Other goals include seeing a few docs and a dentist. Getting the pup both potty trained and crate trained. I'm sure some other idea's will come to mind.

I hope our country does better in 2009 that last year. I feel sorry for O'bama, as he just jumped into the burning boat! I know everyone expects him to "fix things", but I'm not sure just what he will be able to do with the mess we're in. I know many people are going to try to pin this mess on him when it's not fixed as soon as they want or the way they want it done. I just hope they remember what a mess our country is in now so they don't blame him for putting us here in the first place. THANK YOU BUSH!

You know, I don't use the word HATE too much in my vocabulary. My mother would always stop me mid sentence by saying "hate is a very strong word". So mom, where ever you are, in heaven or other........cover your ears when you hear me talk about......... BUSH!

That is all!

Much Needed Boots

2008-12-31T18:12:00.000-08:00

UGGS OR UGG MOCK UPS! Which do I want? Which can I afford?

Cute but worth the price?($159.95)

I like these in a lighter brown ($229.95)

I just love these! ($229.95)

Couldn't shovel snow in them but dang they're cute! And I'm a clog fiend($89.95)

I have noticed lots of women around here are wearing boots that are Uggs or Ugg mock-ups! They usually tuck their pants inside them and look really really cute. The girl I work with had some on the other day and I knew they were expensive (she had them given to her).

So I went online tonight to see about getting me some! Yikes! $150-$240.00 buckaroos! The boots above are Uggs originals!

I guess they're out of my price range. I've gone to Target, Kohls, Walmart and either they were out of any kind of snow boot I liked, or they didn't have my size (remember I'm dealing with a major drive to go to other stores here!)

I really need something other than my old moon boots. Yes it's embarrassing to even admit I still have them. They're disgustingly ugly and a dull pink. But they were in style one time! Now, I only keep them because the only other boots I have are my children's throw-me- downs (No they're not hand-me-downs. They were in the D.I. pile and I fished them out.)

Heather needs snow boots too so I thought I'd shop for us both. Looks like neither of us are getting any unless prices come down or other stores start to carry our size!

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Here's wishing you a Happy New Year! I worked today and will work the next two days.

I officially begin my new job in January and I feel I'm just about as trained as needs be, the rest will come with experience. I've been orienting since the beginning of November (OVERTIMEOVERTIMEOVERTIME) Probably why I've been sick! I've had to learn the computer system, and that's the biggest part.

I'm super psyched about it as this is basically where I've been aiming my career. I've always wanted to be able to help people with their exercise plans, but was afraid about if I got a client with a heart history. That's largely why I went into the cardiac unit in the first place. I've taken care of post cardiac surgical patients, and now, I'll be able to monitor them on telemetry and write exercise prescriptions for them well after heart surgery! Fantastic!

So as far as celebrating goes, I'm going to get my P.J.'s on and go to bed with a movie on!

May you all have a HAPPY NEW YEAR~ Tami

Shock Collar Trials

2008-12-30T15:53:00.000-08:00

You've got to watch this video. This guy tries a dog shock collar and experiences the 6 levels of shock with his "barking". Hilarious!

We bought one for Cisco because she starts "singing" around 05:00 a.m. and Heather's room is right next to the garage where Cisco sleeps and "sings". Her collar doesn't seem to be working as we are listening to her howling at the neighbor dogs right now. Go figure!

Pika Updates

2008-12-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

My dog has gas.

Yeah, she's dinky but boy can she pack a punch. Especially since she likes to sleep on my neck.

I gave her some of the left over Christmas ham that I put in my omelet this morning. It's hard not to give in to her. She sits so pretty, looking up at me with her cute little sweater on, and her little "bug eyes" staring up at me, I couldn't help myself, and I gave her, oh, maybe three or four small chunks. I guess for her, that would amount to an entire ham dinner! Little did I expect I get farted on while she was twitching in her sleep.

We did give her a name, but I'm not sold on it entirely. We had to call her something and we were coming up with some good names but not agreeing on one all together. Pika is short for piccolo, which is Italian for small flute. I call her monkey and peanut. She looks like a peanut. If she's like all our other animals, she'll have a multitude of names.

Back to the subject of where we got her name. We were looking for something that described her size. Aub threw out a few names and suggested piccolo. I liked the name Mika, but Heather knows another annoying dog named Mika so that was out. Pika sounded like Mika and it meant something small so it stuck.

Small flute doesn't begin to describe the noise she makes when we put her in her crate at night. Boy can she scream! High pitched screams.......going on and on for minutes that seem to stretch on forever! It's not a little wimper or cry, but an all out SCREECH! We're crate training and she seems to suffer separation anxiety. I finally had to put her and her crate in my closet down the hall in order to get a few hours of shut eye. It is getting better though, lasting about 20 minutes as compared to two hours when we started.

A Few Christmas Pictures

2008-12-26T18:16:00.000-08:00

Nate, Earl and Veloy

Vernal stayed over.

He looks bored!

Grandma and her earphones. She always looks like she's gonna fly a plane

Heather with her new t.v.

Whit gets a little "LED"

Pika shots

2008-12-25T18:53:00.000-08:00

Helping unwrap my presents

Waiting to see the vet at Pet Smart

Asleep in Whitney's arms

She's in her holiday attire. One of Heathers socks cut into a sweater

A bit of wrapping paper in her mouth

This was taken on our second night with her.

Finding sweaters to fit is terribly difficult as she is so tiny and most wouldn't fit her.

Pika the Pup

2008-12-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

We got a puppy last Sunday. She's a Rat Terrier and last night we finally agreed on the name Pika (pronounced PEEKA as in Pika-boo!) She weighs only 1.9 pounds and has a lot of spunk for her size. The first night we got her scared me so bad I almost called the sellers the next morning to see if they would take her back as I couldn't see how we were going to potty train her and get her to sleep at night. I feared Nate would be angry because this training time would halt his working on finishing the gym. I didn't know how I would be able to get her trained and work full time without his help.

I apologized because I've finagled him into things like kids, and dogs and houses before he was ready before, and I didn't really give him much choice in this matter either. But she was there and I wanted a dog. I had planned to wait until spring when things would be more convenient. But I saw her picture online and I had the money now so I got her.

Heather, Nate and I traveled to Colorado Springs and met the owner half way as he was from Pueblo to bring her to us. We met in the Target parking lot. It almost felt like a drug deal or something. Rich handed the puppy over to Nate and Heather to get her out of the cold and while they walked over to the car, I pulled out a wad of cash and handed it to him. His hair, beard and mustache were gray and he wore a black vest and cowboy hat. He seemed really nice and in the pause in his speech he would make a clicking sound. I thought it was kinda cute.

He gave me a little bag of goodies for her which included some of the food she's used to, a collar, a leash, a chew toy and her papers with the parents picture on it. We went to Petco right away to get a small kennel and attracted everyone in the store with our new little bundle of joy. She was shaking so bad from the cold the next thing we bought was a sweater. After making our purchases, Nate and I went home and Heather went to see Parker.

Nate had our puppy in his jacket and I wanted to hold her so bad I could taste it, but I wanted him to bond with her and her with him, so I tried to sit still and act like I wasn't jumping out of my skin to hold her. I sat very patiently waiting for him to offer her up to me but he didn't so my impatience took over and I fetched her for myself but my jacket wasn't as loose so I couldn't bundle her up and she wasn't as warm so I gave her back.

Everyone is now taking turns with the baby. Watching her, playing with her, and having her sleep with them, sharing responsibility of taking care of her.

She's so small, it would be easy to crush her under foot, so we are having to take special care when she's out and about the kitchen.

We're all in love with this new little bundle. I'll post pictures of her tomorrow and show off our new Christmas present.

Christmas Eve 2008

2008-12-24T23:07:00.000-08:00

Sniffle, sniffle, try to keep the snot from dripping down my face.............this Christmas Eve is filled with watery eyes, runny nose, sneezing, coughing and the unwillingness to go to bed because........well..........IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!

Does it ever go away? That excitement about the next morning and being woken by your kids to GET UP.....LETS GET UP AND OPEN PRESENTS!

My kids are grown......my baby is nearly 20 years old.....the last of my kids in their teens! All grown up.

No more hiding the Christmas wrap that "Santa" used. No more disguising the handwriting on the present name tags. No more guarding the presents until morning, monitoring every sound in the hallway or worrying they'll get up and peak before I get up to see the excitement on their faces. No more wrapping until 2 a.m.

Someone get me a hot cup of coffee. What shall we have for breakfast.....a unanimous................. CREPES with blueberry or cherry pie filling.

This morning is ours. OUR families time together. Just us. My three kids and my man. No one else. This is OUR special day! These are most important people in the world to me and I get to be with them today.

I'm so blessed that I've been able to bear and raise my own children. To watch them grow into the wonderful people they are today. Even though this Christmas we are not all together, I still feel the love and embrace my memories of the past, and hope to be together for Christmas again. I love you all, and Merry Christmas..............Mom.

Just Updates

2008-12-12T22:31:00.000-08:00

I put down the book "Wicked" a while ago and couldn't pick it back up. Not that it wasn't good, but Halloween's come and gone and I've lost interest.

I've since picked up the book "The Third Jesus" by Deepak Chopra (quite a shift eh?). I've been feeling like my soul needs a lift.........man does not live by bread alone........ and my soul has been feeling a bit starved!

I prayed for enlightenment and for a door to be opened to feed my soul and I picked up this book I bought a while ago and started reading it. It's funny, but I feel so much more like I can allow spirituality back into my life without being threatened that someone else's idea of God will try to engulf me and take over.

I feel I can choose! And it's nice! I'm enjoying the book tremendously and when I had it with me in the doctors office the other day a guy stopped me and said he'd read it and loved it too.

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Whit punched a guy in the face the other day and hurt his hand. The guy deserved it... he hit Whit's girlfriend so hard it made her nose jewel fly out. We took Whit to the doctors office and had his hand x-rayed! They told us the doc would review the film and then come give us the result of the x-ray. The doc entered the room and spoke directly to Whit and said... There is no break my brother! (He always addresses someone by "my brother" or, well, I don't know if he says "my sister" or "sister". He wears a cross on his white coat, has glasses and is very tall! He's a DO (Doctor of Osteopathy) so I was expecting he would know his stuff).

I was really relieved and was so happy I could hardly believe it so I said....That's great! Then, circling the room and landing in front of my son, I grabbed his hand and pointed to his sunken yet raised knuckle and asked... Is "that" normal!

The doc took one look and said.......Uh, let me go review the x-ray again. Sure enough, he comes back and says.........Yeah, that's a classic boxers break (his knuckle is basically gone, but there's a bump above it). When did the doctor start looking at the x-ray before examining the patient? I thought that was weird.

So he gives us a referral to an ortho doc. After seeing the orthopaedic doc, the conclusion was made it wouldn't be worth a surgery and possible infection to fix it... too risky so we decided not to do it! Now he's wearing a type of bone straightener to put the bone back in place. No, it's not cast. Looks kinda like brass knuckles only plastic.

Whit says it seems to be helping straighten the bone out.

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The gym is coming along beautifully. New pics to follow.

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My new job is around the corner! I've oriented about 4 days for a total of 24 hours (that would be only two days on the regular floor!) I begin in January and I'm sooooooooo psyched! I'll be helping people who have had cardiac surgery or stents to get fit on the treadmill, elliptical and stationary bikes while monitoring them on telemetry! This is the job of my dreams!

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Pilates training begins in March. Reformer to be purchased soon!

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We just finished watching the movie Black Beauty (we've seen it so many times and never tire of it). The tears are rolling. I just love this movie, the beautiful imagery, the music, the transitions, the filming, the editing, the little boy, Mickey Rooney, Teri Garr. It is one of the most satisfying movies ever made (along with Pride and Prejudice). Francis Ford Coppola is truly amazing. So is the person manning the camera, the editor......... I could go on and on.

The film is a piece of art. There are so many scenes I watch over and over again. Nate and I love watching movies in bed and this and Pride and Prejudice relax us both so much.

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My M-I-L fell again last night. This time she fell out of bed. Their bedroom is upstairs above our room and the thud jolted Nate and I to a full state of arousal in a second flat and we both bolted up the stairs like it was nothin! She was alright. Just trying to get up and go to the bathroom and slipped from sitting on the bed to sitting on the step up to the bed! Ja..E..sus our hearts were in our feet for the next few minutes.

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Christmas tree isn't up! I figured if no one asked I'd leave it alone. Largely because I put it up, put on the lights, put on the ornaments, decorate the whole house, then take it all down myself! If they want it up, they can help!

2008-12-07T04:46:00.000-08:00

Dear God

I send out this plea to the universe for help.

From Whit's car damage, to Heather's car damage, to Nate's back issues which are debilitating, to Veloy's back issues and not eating, to me starting a new job and dealing with being a nurse both at work and at home, to Whit's most likely broken RIGHT hand (that found it's way to the jaw of the boy who hit his girlfriend right in front of him) and having no health insurance..............AND HE'S A WELDER! My nerves are shot and I am finding no solice!

I need assistance. My son and daughter desperately need assistance for the issue of the cars and their repair as well as the need to get into school and medical attention.

My husband may need surgery.

Veloy needs motivation.

I need a break.

I ask for help in these things God........... Thanx, Tami

2008-12-04T11:03:00.000-08:00

My husband entered our room through the sliding glass door after getting the garbage out this morning. Our conversation went something like this.

N: Has Whit come in...?

Me: No, why?

N: Well, Heather ran into his truck this morning.

Me: How bad is it (after all it was in the driveway)?

N: Front bumper dented, light gone........(silence)

Me: Any body damage?

N: Yes

I get on my slippers and go outside to inspect the damage. The whole front right side of his bumper is hanging off, the light is crushed, the grill is toast.

She had to have been moving really fast and not looking where she was going when she was backing out.

How hard is it to see a dark green X-Terra in the morning when white snow is all around?

She had to have deleted the option of:

a) Opening her eyes to see an obviously large truck behind her car

b) cleaning off her rear window

c) watching out the back to see where she what she was backing up into.

The insurance company said she will have a $1000. 00 dollar deductible before repairs.

Yay!

Just as she got out of debt!

When does the madness stop?

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Whit was amazingly calm through all that. We ate breakfast, talked about how we are going to have to help Veloy around the house, (she appears to be bruised but has no obvious breaks...THANK GOD!) and I don't know how we got onto the conversation of circumcision.

It went from what molasses comes from, what sorghum is, and how Whit saw a program about how eggs are actually being manufactured now.

We were looking all this up on the Internet when the subject of what fertilized and unfertilized eggs are and ended up on the subject of circumcision (don't ask how we got to circumcision from eggs?!)

So I go on You Tube to see if there was any footage posted of male circumcision because Whit hadn't ever seen one and couldn't believe how little there was available.

I found the a couple clips and we watched them!

His eyes were teary and he couldn't understand how anyone could justify something so tortuous as cutting off the skin of an infant boy's penis after only being a day or so old.

Neither could I! I saw a couple circs done in our clinicals during nursing school.....way after Whit was born......and had to keep from bawling while I watched it, only renewing my vow not to circumcise. It disgusts me how cruel and tortuous we humans can be to our infant boys so new in life. It leaves me wondering how this scars our boys.

Have you ever seen a circumcision? Please, humor me and go to You Tube and watch Penn and Tellers Circumcision 1 of 3 clips. Or find one that shows an infant being circumcised. It will make you cry.

When a circumcision is performed, the baby isn't given sedative nor is he given local anesthetic. They are screaming their GUTS OUT (and don't try telling me they don't have any feeling, or that they haven't developed enough nerve to feel it. Try using old time diapers with pins and accidentally miss! THEY FEEL IT!) It isn't just because they are pinned down and are unable to move that they're screaming at the top of their lungs!

Now ladies, if you believe all the cock and bull told you about it continuing to be done because of cancer, then why don't we just lop off our little girls boobies at an early age because there is much more breast cancer than penile cancer! If it's for hygiene purposes, please don't tell me you can't clean your babies teenie peenie and that you can't teach him to do it for himself, because I would hate to admit that kind of stupidity if I were you! Which leaves one of the last arguements............"I don't want him to look different than the other little boys".............. or............"I want him to look like his daddy"...............or............"I don't want him to be made fun of by the other boys". Pa-leeeeeeeeeze! Seriously, you are going to cut off the tip of your newborn baby boys penis because of VANITY! We live in a seriously f**ked up world if that is the biggest reason we are doing it.

Ladies, did you know girls can be circumcised too! Only, for girls the act is seen (in our country) as "genital mutilation". Oh yeah.....why isn't it considered that for our tiny boys?

Like we mothers can't clean our infants penises and don't have the brains to train them to clean themselves!

On one of the anti-circ clips I saw on You Tube, I noticed a few choice statements I thought stood out, so I though I'd pass them along:

Genital integrity

Vital part of anatomy

Genital mutilation

It's a normal body part and should not be removed without the consent of the owner!

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One of my favorite scenes in the movie 28 Days (Sandra Bullock) is when they are in the group therapy session and the gay guy says he wants his foreskin back....... "They didn't ask me if they could take it.....they just took it!" Cracks me up every time.

Now, this wasn't meant to make all those mommies and daddies out there who did have their little boys circumcised feel all bad inside, or make them feel they need to go out and hunt down data to substantiate their decision on Pro-circumcision.......I'm just putting out another one of those very big opinions of mine and am hoping to educate someone with it!

What's Happening In Our World

2008-12-03T21:40:00.000-08:00

So have you been asking yourself and those around you why have gas prices plummeted since before the election and stayed down?

Makes you wonder what the hell our government is/was doing......don't it?

Who's making the GD money off us eh?

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My mother-in-law fell in her bathroom tonight. Scared the holy F**K out of me! I'm laying on the couch kinda half asleep and I hear this thud and light high pitched noise. Nate was already up off the floor and heading into to her bathroom before I could wrap my mind around what heavy object the kids could have dropped and broken in the stairwell to make such a huge thud.

I shot off the couch in hot pursuit. We found her with her head wedged between the toilet and the wall, her new knee bending in the wrong direction and she was complaining of her back hurting! Damn it! She was in obvious pain, looked like she was ready to cry.

She's still recovering from from both a hip and knee surgery! What if both are screwed up from this fall?

We laid her down for a second.......her face was pale, she was shaking and nauseous. We gave her a minute and then got her up and to her bed.

She continued to shake. I ran for my blood pressure cuff and stethoscope!

We waited for her to stop shaking. Did a full assessment on her knee, back, hip and waited for her to stop shaking. B/P.......ok..........HR.........ok.........Resp.......ok....

So now what? We'll wait.

We'll see tomorrow if her back continues to hurt tomorrow and see if we need to take her to get an x-ray.

Yikes!

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Sometimes I feel like such a dunce! Last Sunday the kids went snowboarding and on their way home I-70 was closed. Poor kids were panicked and called me for help!

What could I do! I couldn't come get them! They were stuck in the mountains and there were no motels, no place to go. They thought they were gonna have to sleep in the car overnight! Nate told them to find a car-wash to park in to keep the snow out of the tail pipe! Boy are we a lot of help...........GREAT PARENTS EH?

After getting several calls, I finally figured I'd try to do something. So I called my dad.

He always knows what to do.

He give me a Utah Highway Patrol number and after being transferred around to three different people, I got the Colorado Highway patrol and we found out they actually opened and then closed a recreation center in the city the kids were in (the rec center filled so fast) and had to open an elementary school. I don't know how anyone sent off the highway found out about this. What if you don't have a cell phone to call your parents, to call their dad, to get a Highway Patrol phone number, to give directions to an outlet until the highway reopens?

The kids had no more than found the school and the road was reopened! Hallelujah! They got in real late but safely.

That'll teach 'em to go boarding on a "snow day". I-70 is not a road you want to be on when it's snowing!

Issue #1066

2008-11-30T11:48:00.000-08:00

Heather takes the Rolling Stone magazine so we read it all the time. Never before has an article left Nate and I so irate as their choice of the 100 Greatest Singers of All Time. We couldn't believe who they chose to be in the top 10, let alone the order they were placed in and which artists were chosen as best, never mind those that weren't even included in the top 100.

I guess you have to take into consideration how they picked the top 100 singers, so I'll give the details of how they got the end result (which I got from the article).

I counted a total of 169 voters, which included rock and pop artists like Rod Stewart, Keith Richards (The Rolling Stones), Chris Robinson (Black Crowes), Nancy Wilson (Heart), but there were country western artists like Loretta Lynn, as well as Ysuf Islam (Cat Stevens) and Billy Joel, along with Ian Hunter (Mott the Hoople) and Maynard James Keenan (Tool) to name a few.

Some of the other voters were journalists, editors, producers, chairman and CEO's of music companies as well as filmmaker-writers like Cameron Crowe and Executive VP's like Rick Krim from VH1 . How they came to be included in the vote was not reported in the article.

Each voter was asked to list his or her 20 favorite vocalists from the rock era in order of their importance (although some of the top 100 were country artists like Johnny Cash and Hank Williams). Then the ballots were recorded and weighted according to a methodology developed by an accounting firm Ernst and Young and they tabulated the results for the Magazine. (I'd like to see just how this was done).

We couldn't believe Bob Dylan came within the top 10, he was voted 7th!! Remember this was the top 100 "Greatest Singers of All Time". We didn't question Dylan's talent in writing, but I buy his music when it's performed by another artist! His singing SUCKS! There is no way I would put him in the category of top 100 "singers"!

Bjork was voted 60th, above James Taylor (74th), Art Garfunkel (86th), Don Henley (87th), Annie Lennox (93rd-------CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT), Karen Carpenter (94th- What an insult to a voice smooth as butter and sweet as rain), Stevie Nicks (98th) and insult upon insult Steven Tyler (99th)!

Who the hell listens to Bjork? Bob Dylan is 7th, Steven Tyler 99th? We are talking how one sounds.............. as in.........can they hold a tune.........COME ON! Karen Carpenter under Bjork?

How come no one voted for Sting? He isn't even in the top 100 AT ALL!

Billy Joel was a voter and HE isn't even in the top 100 best vocalists!

Where is Julie Andrews? Andy Williams? Can't say they didn't get voted for because they aren't "Rock", neither is Bonnie Raitt (50th), or Patsy Cline (46th). Joni Mitchell (42nd) and Elton John (38th) came in under Bruce Springsteen (36th) and Howlin' Wolf (31st) and Nina Simone(29th)!

Who are Howlin' Wolf and Nina Simone? Joe Cocker (97th) can't sing at all. He sounds like someone's squeezing his balls too hard, and he came in before Steven Tyler (I am and always will be a tried and true Aerosmith fan! Seen 'em, love 'em..... would be tempted to do naughty things with the lead singer even though I'd get lost in his gynormous mouth, I love his scream!)

I've listened to music for a long time (47 years tomorrow) I'm not a musician or CEO of a music company, but...............................

WHAT THE HELL!

Who do you think Bette Midler or Yoko Ono voted for?

What about B.B. King and Carole King? Who did they cast their votes for?

I'm not prejudiced, my boyfriend in 3rd grade was black. But 7 of the top 10 winners were black artists. This magazine came out November 27th............. how long after O'bama was put in? (And I am for O'bama!) Look down lower on the article and see the list. Would you put some of those artists in the top ten? Yeah, they may be good but in the 10 best singers? Me either!

I can't believe how much it bothers me that this article "BOTHERS ME"! I walked around in a huff all day because some joe-blow voted for Elvis Presley and not Sting! Elvis was a "Rock Star", his voice wasn't that great! Sting plays multiple instruments, writes his own music and has a phenomenal voice! He's a major talent. Someone voted for Bjork, and not Sting? This is madness!

Billy Joel......NOT VOTED FOR!

Elton John.....under James Brown?

Here is the line-up for the top 50! (B=black)

1- Arethea Franklin (B)

2- Ray Charles (B)

3- Elvis Presley (copied B)

4- Sam Cooke (B)

5- John Lennon

6- Marvin Gaye (B)

7- Bob Dylan

8- Otis Redding (B)

9- Stevie Wonder (B)

10- James Brown (B)

11- Paul McCartney

12- Little Richard (B)

13- Roy Orbison

14- Al Green (B)

15- Robert Plant (hey hey baby say the way you move..gonna make u sweat, gonna make you groove)

16- Mick Jagger

17- Tina Turner (B)

18- Freddie Mercury (Waaaaaaaaaaaay better than Elvis... tear drop....miss him....miss Queen!)

19- Bob Marley (B) (Makes me smile...makes me happy.....phenomenal person)

20- Smokey Robinson (B)

21- Johnny Cash

22- Etta James (B)

23- David Bowie

24- Van Morrison

25- Michael Jackson (B) (He should have been way above Little Richard)

26- Jackie Wilson (B)

27- Hank Williams

28- Janis Joplin

29- Nina Simone (B) (looked her up on You Tube.......not impressed)

30- Prince (B) (He should have been waaaay before Dylan, Marvin and Elvis)

31- Howlin' Wolf (B)

32- Bono

33- Steve Winward

34- Whitney Houston (B)

35- Dusty Springfield

36- Bruce Springsteen (puke, barf, choke, gag)

37- Neil Young

38- Elton John (I've lost total faith in the voters now)

39- Jeff Buckley (showing my ignorance.......who is he?)

40- Curtis Mayfield (B) (same as above)

41- Chuck Berry (B) (reminds me of Back to the Future)

42- Joni Mitchell (love her...love her...love her)

43- George Jones

44- Bobby "Blue" Bland (B) (again, showing my ignorance....)

45- Kurt Cobain (love Nirvana.....but top voice? Above Karen......again.....lost me for good)

46- Patsy Cline (miss you mom)

47- Jim Morrison

48- Buddy Holly

49- Donny Hathaway (B)

50- Bonnie Raitt (love her).

Now I realize I am letting my opinion go all out here. I love music... of all kinds. I absolutely love Stevie Wonder, own his music. I love Marvin Gaye's voice and I dig Otis. Many of the top ten artists, I don't doubt, were influences to many of the artists who voted. But this was to see who were the top 100 "Singers", not top 100 "influences". The votes are totally off line for best voice.

Patsy Cline makes me think of my mother who, before she had her throat surgery, sounded very much like her. I adore Patsy and agree she is one of the top 100 best singers. I agree Aretha is one of the top 100 too, I'm not so sure I agree she's #1. I mean, how long can we go on about R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Have you seen Kelly Clarkson's version of this tune? She nails it. Go to you tube and see for yourself! Compare Kelly and Aretha, you'll see what I mean.

I wouldn't put Elvis in the top 10 best singers even though he was popular. Yes he made a ton of music, influenced people right and left and boat loads of people loved him. Marilyn Monroe was popular too and all the men loved her (many still do), but that doesn't put her the category of one of the all time best actresses! Christina Aguilera's voice cuts like a knife and she was 58th (gasp)!!. She should have been in the top 25 in my opinion, above Brian Wilson, above Luther Vandross, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY above Kurt Cobain and Nina Simone.

Where's Linda Ronstadt? Ann Wilson (Heart) probably had her hopes up that someone would see her as the phenomenal voice that she is.......since her sister was a voter. But NO! Can you keep up with the notes she hits on Barracuda or Crazy On YOU? NO! Me either, but I try! Damn I try!

Well, there you have it. I've come out and spread my opinion all over the place.

I must say, I feel better now.

Go to the magazine if you want all the top 100! You'll probably be as surprised and possibly as pissed as we were!

Inherited Stranger Babble

2008-11-20T10:56:00.000-08:00

I remember being in the grocery store as a child and was really embarrassed when my mother would break out into conversation with check out lady. I thought it odd that both of them would seem to enjoy each other as though they had been friends forever.

At that point I silently vowed to myself I would not be like her and embarrass my kids in public blabbing on about some such nonsense with a smile and then go my merry way. I was very shy in school, rarely started the conversation first and was pegged as stuck-up for it most the time.

I have become.............. my mother.

I'll pretty much break out in conversation with anyone who has the gumption to listen, and make a comment back. I think I do this mainly to break the uncomfortable silence felt when two people are in such close proximity, or if someone is going to be asking me to dig into my purse to hand them my hard earned cash.

Standing in front of the teller, the checker, the postal worker or any other stranger face to face causes me to spout out into some such prattle and break the silence, calming the nervous jitter creeping up my spine.

Elevators are squishy little places. Oversized boxes big enough to hold several humans at a time, moving them up or down all the while never requiring them to change position while staring straight ahead to a closed double door.

I often picture myself being in the Star Ship Enterprise, waiting to be transported to the captains deck and that crazy pah-shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-T, sound going off just before doors part way for me to exit. This eases the tension while being in such close proximity to a stranger who is also staring straight ahead waiting for the doors to open.

What an uncomfortable moment. Where do you set your eyes? Up at the numbers counting to your floor? At your feet? Do you play with your purse? Your cell phone? Your lunch box or coffee mug? Take a sip, that'll waste a couple seconds! If you look at the person next to you, a smile seems to need something to follow it. That's a nice purse..........cute shoes.........has your floor been busy lately? Just as you start the convo, it's time to leave.

It's a different story if you know the person who got on with you or the person appears friendly or has an obvious something you'd want to start a conversation about! A new daddy carrying out the car seat and a number of full personal belonging bags and suitcases! Conversation is easier then! Did you get a boy or a girl? Are you ready for the long nights with a newborn? Is this your first baby? Those are easy victims for stranger-convo. Running into new grandparents with the happy big brother or sister tagging along is rare.

The ride to telemetry is shorter now having gone from the fifth floor to the third, so my time in the "vator" is less, but the discomfort comes in and settles right at the base of my neck when someone enters from another floor.

I was going down to the garden level for breakfast yesterday and this short, ponchy, well dressed woman entered at the first floor. I don't like it when I get on and find out it's going up to the 6th floor when I wanted to go down so I asked her if she truly wanted to go "down" and she said she was and got in.

She stood just far enough away for comfort! Right away I can feel my mom readying to sprout out of my neck and make herself comfortable through conversation with this woman. I speak first.

Don't you think they should put t.v.'s in the doors, just so there is actually something to look at in cramped elevators!?....I laugh jokingly! It'd make the ride less uncomfortable don't you think!

Pudgy woman: It'd be kind of a waste....... she says and looks straight ahead at the door stopping the conversation cold.

Silence........

The doors open to ground!

Silence...........

We both get out.

That was stupid! I felt worse than I had if I'd have just stayed quiet!

Then she followed me right into the line-up for pancakes! I turned around slightly to confirm it was her behind me pretending to look at someone else! I had no desire to babble on to her this time, and just stood there with my arms crossed waiting for breakfast.

I've been shy all my life and was pegged as stuck-up in high school never starting conversation first. It was too embarrassing. It takes a lot for me to make the first move. But all the people I've made acquaintance with so far in this crazy life were strangers first. So I don't think it so strange now to be like mom.

The Surgery is Done

2008-11-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

My girl had her surgery. I called her hubby Nate from work to find out how it went. He said he didn't get any updates even three hours after the surgery was done and when he made the attempt to get any info about her, they sent him to wait in a room that was already occupied. Poor guy doesn't often take care of his breast fed son and two year old daughter alone. He sounded a little fried! Not in a bad way, but a calm, fried way! Sweet thing. It does a man good right!

I just got off the phone with her. They never did update either of them about how the surgery went. I just hope the pain meds they give her keep the pain down cuz it's harder to get a doc to write a script for narcs later!

She sounded good. Now for a days recovery and Friday a five hour trip back home

2008-11-17T13:07:00.000-08:00

Today, my oldest daughter and her hubby and two kids made the five hour trek to Detroit Michigan to meet with her surgeon, and have ear surgery this Wednesday! I'm pretty sick about it but haven't let her know it because I didn't want to scare her.

She won't have Internet access for the next five days, so I can vent a little and not be too self conscious about her reading it.

Ever since she was less than a year old, this poor girl has battled ear problems. She had recurrent ear infections and as a result, surgery to her little ear drums, twice per ear, and still suffered a hearing loss of 30-40% in her left ear.

Consequently while holding the phone to her right ear she can hear nothing her husband says to her, or her daughter getting into the toilet or other such mischief of a two year old.

High pitched sounds are near to inaudible so her baby crying (while on the phone) or the door bell can pose a problem. For these reasons I am glad she is seeing to getting it taken care of, however, I've been with her through most of the other surgeries, helped care for her post-op making her comfy, meeting with the docs before and after surgery etc. (surgeon and anesthesiologist). I'm not there this time and it really makes me feel quite helpless.

Not that my speaking to the doctor before, easing my fears, asking questions helped him perform his surgery any better than his ability would allow. Still, somehow, it made me feel like I had an element of control or involvement.

Not this time.

I'm scared. I'm scared things will go wrong. I'm scared of total hearing loss.

She's scared of the anesthesia, something that I don't worry all that much about because I know they can reverse narcotic anesthesia if needed, or if she is not doing well. But once you go cutting into the eardrum (of which has already been surgically cut into twice before), just how much can you fix? Plus, she says they will need to shave down the bone inside the ear canal to allow for more room since hers is too narrow for surgery!

Needless to say I'm nervous.

I need to be positive. Pray she will recover beautifully and regain her lost hearing.

I pray with all my heart everything goes well.

They meet with the surgeon tomorrow, and the surgery is set for Wednesday. She'll recover on Thursday and then make the trek back to St Ignace on Friday!

My prayers, thoughts, hopes and love will be with my own little girl today and throughout her recovery.

I love you Aub. Mom

Does It Ever Get Any Better?

2008-11-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

So I scuffed my way upstairs and put a cup of coffee in the microwave, hit the instant two minute button and walked away. Down the hall to check on my young adults only to find a messy room with an unmade bed and no son in it and another room with a nicely made bed and no daughter in it.

Did I miss something?

No.

No, I didn't get a call last night from either kid telling me where they are, where they'll sleep over or anything.

This has been an ongoing issue for each of my kids since childhood. The not telling me where they are going or where they'll be. I have a hard time yelling at them now because one turns 22 years old today, and the other will be twenty in March.

Still, if they live here, don't pay rent, or their car insurance, don't I deserve to at least have my fears calmed by knowing where they are sleeping at night?

I mean really. I fix dinners and feed their friends fairly regularly, pay for electricity, food, laundry soap, toiletries, buy tires for their cars, help pay for repairs on their cars. I help them out quite a bit.

I've been asking for the simple courtesy of being told where they are and where they are going like FOREVER, and it just doesn't seem to sink into their tiny little skulls. No really, this has been an ongoing issue since each child was old enough to open a door and go visit their neighbor friends.

I pretty much figure the Mr is at Tony's house. That's usually where he is. Where Wink is I'm not sure. She has a few girlfriends and a couple guy friends she stays at, and I figure if they have had anything to drink I don't want them driving.........AND THEY KNOW THAT!

But courtesy shouldn't have to be asked for every time they leave the house should it?

I mean, they rebel because they are over 18, so that means they are "adults" by American Standards. So, shouldn't they ACT like adults. This would mean, pick up their clothes, help around the house, and let their parents know if they are coming home or not if that is really the biggest request made to them?

My coffee was boiling over in the microwave, much like my temper on the inside. Don't worry, I didn't throw anything or break a dish. But I felt like it.

I feel like I could threaten to make them pay for their car insurance. This would scare them, they'd be afraid and help out around the house for a couple days. They'd speak extra nice like, and show much more love. But it would wear off and we'd be back to old habits.

If I bring up how upset I am to my spouse, he'll just go on and repeat how stupid I am for not making them pay their own car insurance, or how stupid I am for feeding their friends, or how stupid I am for being so undemanding of them around the house. So I don't feel like being called stupid today. Not to mention that I live with my in-laws, so when they get up, it's a sure bet they'll ask where the kids are, and I'll be on the defensive about my parenthood for the umpteenth time.

It's snowing outside. I have been dreading this since spring! I hate driving in the snow. I hate being cold, and believe me, this giant house gets so damn cold in the winter, I dream of California every day.

It's the Winkers 22nd birthday today. Yeah, I know, I said that. But what I didn't say is that I took the day off to make it special for her. I didn't even take off my OWN birthday this year. Then, she calls me at work last night to tell me that she was planning on going out to dinner with her boyfriend, then she and her friends and even the Mr and his girl friend have been planning on going ice skating.......... "but I reserved the whole morning for you mom and what ever you'd like to do!" Right, like I want to get up early on my day off, and go out to some store or see movie before all her other plans take way.

Like I want to rush around on my this day off. I work thirteen hour days. This week I worked two days, have today off, work two days, one off, work two days, then have five off, then start that all over again.

I read so many blogs by moms of small kids. They have all these complaints about their bratty or sick kids. If they only knew what's coming. $1400 dollar car repairs, accidents, hospitalizations, and on and on with the expenses.

I've seen what my in-law's have gone through with their own adult children. This had better get better or I'm thinking of running away to live on my own and stop feeding into the frenzy.

Laughs and Loves

2008-11-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

I've been crying about my mom today. I don't have any pictures of her scanned to this computer, that's why she isn't represented.

Nathan and James

The best things in life aren't things...........

Heather

Nathan and Claralynne

Aub, Whit and Heather

Sarah and Whit

Dad and I

Aubrey

Cisco

James

Claralynne

Nate with his C-Pap mask

Nate and Claralyne

Daddy

My Favorite People

Did You

2008-11-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

VOTE?

I'm from Utah, where it doesn't matter if you don't want the Light Rail, don't want a socker stadium or you don't want the Legacy Highway. You can vote against it, be in the majority vote and they'll still build it regardless of what the majority of the public wants.

You can vote against Bush, be in the majority and he'll still be put in as president.

So what makes me think my vote will count?

Can't help but keep trying to be heard!

G'Obama!

The better of two evils? Not sure really.

They BOTH voted FOR the buy out!

I just don't want ANOTHER BUSH!

2008 Costumes Central

2008-11-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2008

Just some highlights of my kids, grandkids and cousins Halloween this year. Boy do I ever miss dressing up myself. I told my cousin Scott that next year I'm flying to Utah and dressing for the Freakers Ball with them!

My Michigan Cuties

Claralynne stays warm as a Care Bear. Cute little cold nose!

James 1st Halloween trick-or treating.
My his mommy looks cute in that coat!

COLORADO KIDS

Whit decided to go all army this year!

Ain't he tough lookin'?

Heather put together this ensemble herself from second hand items. TOTALLY AWESOME!! Note the detailed work she did on the hat! The pearl pin belonged to her Great Grandma Fotheringham.She's Captain Morgans girlfriend!

Heather has a metal allergy so these lovely necklaces left some mean sores on her neck later!

PUMPKIN CARVING
Heather and her friends came over and had their own pumpkin carving night before Halloween!

Heather, Parker, Jessica and Luke

Heather is a true blue Pirate this year.

Her skull/sword carving was hand drawn.

Parker carved the scarey face above

Luke had a Christmas theme

Jessica carved this cool cross

UTAH COUSINS

Scott and Judy dressed up for Halloween, the first time in a looooooonnnnnng time.

Jeremy (L doing Scott's nails) rocks when it comes to dressing up every year for Halloween.

This year he got his parents involved and was the creator of this fantastic replica of Beetlejuice and his bride. Jeremy actually dyed the suit and wedding dress, hand made the ruffle, burning the edges to make it antique, and cut the wig to fit. I'm sure he did the make-up too.

They attended KBER's Freakers Ball at the Port O'Call in SLC and everyone thought they should have taken home the $1500.00 pot for 1st. Some other dude took it with his purchased/no imagination costume. This ensemble was created exclusively from second hand items, most of which were purchased at the D.I. (Deseret Industries is a second hand store in Utah).

Don't they just take the cake?

Getting Old Sucks

2008-10-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

Nate threw out his back on the 24th after fixing fences and putting up a wood border in the garage to keep the mice out. It really sucks because he doesn't know exactly what he did to hurt himself. He doesn't recall anything getting overly painful while working, so pinpointing how to prevent it in the future is pretty vague.

He just woke up and walked to the bathroom and the pain caused him to bend sideways in a crooked position and he couldn't stand up straight. I had to help him put on his shoes and when I looked up there were tears rolling down his cheeks. A feeling of panic ran up my spine. What is happening to my poor husband?

I've never known Nate to cry from physical pain. I felt so awful, racking my brain what to do to make him comfortable, heat, pain meds, ibuprofen, positioning, but nothing worked. (We didn't try ice and I should have known to use the R.I.C.E. method: Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation. I thought about that later. He wasn't too excited about icing it).

This only hit home how much we need to get into and keep ourselves in shape. Nate's injury made me realize how much we really need my Pilates machines. I am anxiously awaiting for my Pilates lessons in March.

Earl and Veloy got back from Utah after being gone from about April or May of this year. Their coming back kind of put a rush on cleaning and fixing things and I know Nate felt a bit of a push to get things done in a hurry. Earl called one day in advance to let us know they were returning. I don't know if this had something to do with Nate's injury.

We all need physical therapy. Veloy had surgery on her hip and her knee. The doctors said she would have been bed-bound in one month if she didn't have surgery on her hip. I'm glad she did it because she is moving with less pain now than she did before she left. The reformer will help rehabilitate her from surgery and hopefully keep Nate from surgery.

Speak Up

2008-10-22T02:49:00.000-07:00

Do you ever call work at 3:30 a.m. to let them know that the chest tube clamps left in the med room need cleaning before they can be put back?

Or call your 21 year old at 1:45 a.m. to ask where she is and is she safe enough to drive home?

Do you go home from work at night in such a frazzle that you are up until 3:00 in the morning wondering how you could have done better in the day, or if you handled someone at work right, or if you missed something in your charting?

WELL I DO! I'm not bragging! I hate that I sit up and fret about the day, continually telling myself to stop reliving it... live in THE NOW......and that stewing about it can't change what's already happened in the the day.

Still, I fret.

I'm bothered by this stupid obnoxious hairy beast of a woman from work.

We'll call her "Joane".

Joane is a character that Carol Burnette would have a hay-day imitating. She is about five foot seven, has a large ponchy belly and saggy boobs, wears floods. Her shoulder length hair is brown, naturally curly and often disheveled. She wears thick glasses and sometimes goes crossed eyed when she talks to you to avoid eye contact. She brags about her multiple affairs with her old boyfriend, speaks louder than anyone else at the nursing station, and physically pulls doctors aside to tell them her dirty jokes. She's overweight and ugly and I'm getting to like her less and less as time goes on.

Well, today "Joane" publicly insulted our unit secretary, boldly telling her that she hates the way she laughs......... that she finds it obnoxious and doesn't find anything she laughs at funny! And that she just doesn't care for it a bit!

Can you believe the cajones on this woman? You'd have to know Joane. She has a very dry sense of humor and has no filters in her communication. But I was still dumbfounded!

I really wanted to throw in some snide remark about how foul, disgusting, and ugly I find her. I wanted so bad to give it to her! She's one nurse who thinks it's all about her. She monopolizes the aides, is in constant complaint that she is overworked, refuses or rebels when it comes time to taking another patient, and makes sure she reads the newspaper and gets her breakfast every morning regardless..... She thinks she is beyond reprimand, although I've seen her hauled off into the managers office, more than once for her attitude and rebellion! Oh, and did I say I find her rude, loud, pushy and overbearing? Well, that's "Joane"!

I wasn't sure how to respond to this rude comment. Here I am charge nurse, sitting right next to "Marg" (we'll call her Marg), wondering just how or if I should reply to such an awful comment. It was totally out of the blue and unfounded. I love our unit secretary. Largely because of her laugh and her bubbly personality and the way she is always singing. Not to mention that she is a stellar person and has something that Joane doesn't............A WORK ETHIC!!!

That blow went right to my heart!

Marg has been a unit secretary for ump-teen years and really knows her job better than anyone.

Marg stood up for herself. She replied....Well you talk much too loudly at the nursing station and you need to tone it down or take it somewhere else!

I was so proud she stood up to her, but I felt I needed to say something!

Did I stand up to Joane in defense of our beloved secretary? Yes! Just not in the way I invisioned it. You know how you go home and think of a hundred ways you could have handled the situation if you had your wits about you? But I was reminded of the movie "You've Got Mail", when Meg Ryan's character finally gets her digs in and off the top of her head lets Tom Hanks character have it. Out of her mouth right as she was thinking it, NO FILTERS! Then her own remark made her feel awful and out of character!

That movie is what I kept thinking of as I held my tongue and stayed quiet. I'd no sooner get my two bits in and someone would look at me like I have the problem. Then my defense would be nullified and I'd stand there upset at myself and go home to stew about that response.

So I simply said........"I love her laugh! She makes me happy and keeps me upbeat all day! I think she's great!"

Stew, stew, stew............ Should I have put Joane in her place? Should I have said what I really wanted to? I was finally given the perfect opportunity. A rare moment when Joane was so focused on her own opinion that I could have just said how rude I thought she was, and that I couldn't believe she would say something like that at all! Especially as she lacks grace and dignity in her own personality.

I just stuck to the K.I.S.S. principle..............

Keep

Simple

Stupid

I hope some day someone is able to put "Joane" in her place and make her shut her yap!

My Favorite Season

2008-10-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

FALL IS HERE!

Gardiner Village is one of my favorite places to visit in the fall.

Witches night out was just becoming a tradition at Halloween time for

my sis and I. Then I moved!

I Love......

....The smell of fall....

....Autumn colors of rust, brown and orange....

....Sweater weather.....

....Halloween....

I'VE BEEN A WITCH FOR YEARS! (Just ask my kids haha).

No! My costume has been a witch forever. I get excited at the store when I see green makeup, black fingernail polish and tall pointy hats!

Here in Larkspur we don't even get trick-or-treaters which SUCKS major! Well, I'm sure some adults would say......Whoa, just enjoy it! But, I like to see the kids reaction when I'd open the door.

Our Twilight Pix

2008-10-06T13:47:00.000-07:00

Heather, Aubrey and I were on the speaker phone the other night discussing who we would have chosen, if given the job of casting the parts for the upcoming movie Twilight. Each of us has read the first book and so feel we are absolutely qualified to make a casting decision.

All of us thought that the girl chosen to play the role of Bella was a good choice according to what she looks like. I personally haven't seen her act, but she definitely looks the part of a beautiful tomboy.

Kristen Stewart

We decided that some of actors chosen didn't exactly fit who we pictured. The actors chosen to play the parts for Carlisle, Esme and Edward could be, in our most superbilous opinions, OTHER ACTORS. So we racked our brains to come up with actors we thought would be better suited for the parts.

---------------------------------------

Carlisle

The guy cast for the part of Carlisle, Peter Facinelli, doesn't quite fit the picture we have in our heads as to what Carlisle would look like. Carlisle is an experienced medical doctor working in the town hospital, and everybody respects his judgement and abilities as town doc. He has a life long love interest (don't exactly know if they are married?) and has poses as having five adopted teenage kids, several of which go to the same high school. The guy cast for the part doesn't fit the picture we had for him. He may meet the books age requirements, but we all felt that he wouldn't be believable and would appear too young and inexperienced as father of many teenagers and long time doctor.

Peter Facinelli

Christian Bale would have been a good choice for the part of Carlisle in our opinion. He is very good looking, could pass as the town doctor who has loads of medical experience and yet appears old enough to have adopted five teenage kids and could pass the age requirement of the book.

Christian has the appearance of strength, confidence, experience and is absolutely gorgeous.

I kind of pictured Carlisle to have light colored hair, kind of grayish. I know that doesn't go along with the author based on the age Carlisle was when he became a vampire, but that's just how I saw him in my mind. After all, this is a vampire who's been around 300 plus years!!! I pictured his hair slicked back like both these models. Carlisle would appear very intelligent, calm, able to make smart medical decisions in a hurry, and have the appearance of strength and stature.

We were all in agreement that Carlisle should have his hair kind of slicked back like this Prada model. This guy is seriously gorgeous, and has an heir about him of confidence, elegance, experience, knowledge and strength. This guy could pass as a vampire, yes?

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Edward

Aubrey was dead on when she found this picture online as a possible Edward. We were all in agreement that Edward would have smoldering looks, sharp features, loose hair, clean complexion and the eyes of an animal, hungry but patient. I would seriously follow this guy around and never be able to think of anyone else if I was Bella and this Gucci model were Edward. He is definitely hot enough to play the part. Thumbs up from all three of us.

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Esme

Heather and I picked Amy Brennegan to play the part of Esme. She's gorgeous, young enough to be Carlisle's wife, but doesn't look like she just got out of high school herself. She would have been a better choice for Esme.

The girl cast for the part in the movie is Elizabeth Reaser and she doesn't fit the role of Esme because she is as old as the kids she's supposed to be mother to. She doesn't have the feel of an experienced mother of five to any one of us.

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So that's all we have to say about our choice of players for now!

READY, SET, GO!!!

2008-10-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

The black and white flag is down, and the race is on!

Report is over, time to check each patients labs, blood pressures............my phone is going off ALREADY!

This is Tami, can I help you? You're IV is beeping? I'll be right there! Didn't get to check tele yet.

Oh, no, this IV is leaking. Looks like we need to change it. Dang phone... This is Tami can I help you? Ok, I'll get my aide to help you to the toilet. Go get supplies for IV restart.

Success! This IV should last a couple days. What, you need pain meds now? O.k. Let me get them with the rest of your morning meds.

Phone rings.... You need help to the bathroom? (didn't they just call 4 minutes ago... I called my aide, did she not help my patient to the potty?). I'll be right with you.

I still need to help the other patient to the bathroom. That's two that need toileting. I still need to check my tele strips. I still need to get all my a.m. meds! It's nearly 8:30.

Phone rings.... Can you... please...into....room......

What? I couldn't even understand what they just said, but it didn't sound like the patient in that room. I better go see what he needs, he's the heart surgery patient and may need my help. Oh, hi Dr Kim....yes, I can stop the amiodarone drip and pull out his IV, then restart it! (RIGHT! He has absolutely NO veins and needs another stick. I still haven't seen my strips! Still need to go get everyones meds and it's almost 9:00 o'clock and I STILL NEED COFFEE!!!).

Man, I gotta go before my bladder bursts, but I've GOT to get meds and start another I.V. Better check orders! Oh, it looks like 104's going home. That means I get to take out the IV I just PUT IN! Wonderful. Get my drugs out for four patients and go give 104 pain meds. Stop at tele quickly to check rhythms! Ok, my heart patient is in normal sinus rhythm, it will be ok to take him off the amiodarone.

Deliver meds to each patient, get the discharge ready to go home and take both IV's out (one of which I JUST started)! He's a cute kid, hope he doesn't have a lot of pain when he goes home.

Time to walk my patient. I'm getting hungry myself! Wonder if I'll get a chance to eat some toast? I've got to get some coffee!

..............And on and on and on the day goes. No stopping, always moving.

There have been a couple twelve hour days in my 13 year career that I've only gone to the bathroom ONCE or not at all because I'm so busy. I come home exhausted most of the time or so keyed up I can't sleep.

It's really hard to see people with so many physical ailments. I remember wondering in nursing school how it would be possible to avoid getting attached or all caught up in the heart ache of illness with my patients and I've since learned that there is absolutely no way to avoid it. And I'm not sure I'd consider myself human or humane if I did!

What the patients and their family members go through with some of the devastating and life threatening issues I see every day makes me very grateful for my health and the health of my own family.

My 86 year old patient recently had lung surgery to remove a mass. She originally went to the doctor for a hydrocortisone shot for pain in her left shoulder. The doctor got an x-ray and found a nodule in her lung. Later a CT scan showed a mass and this patient ended up having a thoracotomy with a partial lobectomy and mass removal at 86 years old. It was cancer. She was a darling woman with a thick German accent. Never cried out in pain, only winced and asked if she could have some pain meds. She needed help up to the bathroom, not only because it hurt to move,, but for crying out loud, SHE'S EIGHTY SIX YEARS OLD!!!! Her daughter was a nervous nelly (more difficult to deal with than my patient). This cute little patient went home today. I hope she is able to heal..... I hope the cancer doesn't return..... I hope her family is grateful she is still here on this earth.

Another of my patients today was a 19 year old boy with Crohn's disease. Crohn's is one mean and painful disease! I saw a few cases when I worked in endoscopy and their colons look like a bomb went off inside or they ate WAY TOO MANY JALAPENOS, all raw, ulcerated and bloody (not table talk but what do you expect, I'm a nurse!) Many patients face the possibility of partial or complete colon removal. I can't imagine how painful this disease is and it's an autoimmune thing so it has nothing to do with anything the patient has done to themselves like eating poorly or using drugs or something like that. This kid wasn't the average 19 year old. He was up on current events, had watched the presidential and VP debates, and was watching CNN! Yeah, he played video games and watched movies but I don't think my 19 year old would spend the time to watching the debates (do we still call them video games even if they are DVD's?). He said he was attending college to become... what else.... a doctor... of all things. I told him he could specialize in GI, he already has plenty of personal experience.!!

Like I said, I know this isn't dinner conversation, but I'm a nurse so much of my life entails something that has an element of being gross, disgusting or depressing. I've even turned Heather totally white before, telling her about my patients ulcerated and necrotic foot. I seriously thought she was going to pass out as she went all pale and pasty. I had to walk her to the sink and put a cool cloth on her the back of her neck to keep her from falling to the floor. Poor girl. I guess I'm just used to that kind of stuff.

My time in endoscopy gave me so many funny stories, I don't think if I'd heard them from someone else I would have believed them. People do the stupidest things sometimes, it amazes me what excuses they give actually expecting we health professionals to believe them. Like the kid who came into the hospital with a shampoo bottle up his butt and said he fell down on it in the shower and couldn't get it out. Yeah we heard a few bar of soap stories too. That bar of soap just got sucked up in there. :) It was an ass-ident!(ha ha)

One girl came in with exacto knife blades in her colon! How did they get in there? Her story suggested someone at the bar the night before, "spiked her drink". We saw the blades on x-ray. There were two of them. I was really in awe as I watched the skill of our doctor, as he painstakingly and carefully removed each blade from her colon. He had to attach to the blade and then manipulate the scope, while keeping a hold of the blade and holding onto the buttons on the scope to allow air to inflate the colon so he could see the that she was not cut as he slowly backed the scope out. The blade never nicked or touched the sides of her colon at all. (He must have played the game Operation a lot as a kid!). He was able to remove both blades without so much as a scratch to her colon. I think back on this story and really miss the relationships I developed with the docs in endo-land. Doctor Mike was one of my favorites. He is a brilliant and fun loving man and I miss him and his German accent. His skill amazes me still.

Once we had this guy who came to the hospital fully dressed in a suit and tie and had already sat through an entire hour long meeting at work. His wife came with him to drive him home after his "scope" because he would have been drugged for the procedure. He was having a colonoscopy. Prior to his procedure he specifically instructed us to keep the details of his "scope" from his wife as the truth of why he was having it would be totally humiliating to him and he would rather she not know.

This man had an entire zucchini up his butt!

Can you believe that? He couldn't get it out himself so he had to come to the endo lab to have it removed! He had been unable to remove it the night before, so he went all night AND sat through his entire meeting at work before coming to have the noxious vegetable taken out of his rectum!! An entire zucchini! Oh, I could have died! The embarrassment of it all. His wife was just under the impression her spouse was there for a routine, age based colonoscopy!

What a world, what a world!

(Daikon Radish)

Our nurse manager made a comment that if the guy was going to put something up his butt, he "oughta at least put a string on it so he can pull it back out"!

My white elephant gift that year for the Endo Christmas party included: a banana, a zucchini, a daikon radish, and a carrot, all neatly wrapped in Christmas paper, each one included a handy- dandy loop of oxygen tubing tied in the end it for "easy removal". Guess who got the gift? The nurse manager! What a fluke of luck! No kidding, we put all put our gifts in the middle of the room and played a game, can't recall the name of the game, but you get a gift, unwrap it and then other people get a chance to take your gift! My boss, the one who said it would be smart to have the ties on the end of the zucchini, just happened to pick my gift out of all the gifts in the middle of the pile! You should have heard the roar of laughter that came as each present was unwrapped! I made her save the daikon radish for last (it is way longer than zucchini and carrots.....HUGE). Everyone was in stitches, tears rolling down our cheeks. And my boss was the one laughing the loudest! Hysterical!

My husband gets so tired of me coming home and talking about work. Maybe it would be good to just blog about it instead of sharing it with him. He can't figure out why, if work was so hard, that I come home and re-live it by talking about it. But, I think it's like venting, or spilling poison from a wound by letting it out so it doesn't accumulate under my skin or in my head or vital organs or something (yeah, he should share some of the fun I have at work don't you think?) I could work myself into an ulcer with all the stuff I see. Hell, I don't know if I don't have one already. Just adds to my ever growing physical complaints. And it's not just GETTING OLD that does this stuff!

I did manage to get that cup of coffee, which isn't smart in the "can't take a break to pee" department. The day hardly ever drags on as a nurse. My poor family tries to call me at work and are always rushed off the phone.

I guess I'll put the flag down now and call it a done deal. Until the next race!

The End

2008-10-02T15:26:00.000-07:00

Done! Done done done! I am done with the 4th book.

My husband will be able to talk to me in the car. Go to bed at a descent hour! Not have a Zombie for a wife!

Now, I must start on the book "Wicked"!

What a great October this will be. To begin and end the Halloween season reading about vampires, werewolves and witches!

My Imagination is Better

2008-10-02T10:47:00.000-07:00

I'm almost done with the 4th book of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn, so I felt like the characters are pretty much cemented in my mind enough that and I could stand to venture out and see who they chose to play the parts in the upcoming movie.

I went online to look at who was chosen for the cast and I am mostly happy. But the choice for Carlisle and Esme are all wrong to me in that these are supposed to be the "leaders" or "parent figures" of the Cullen family and they look as much like high school teenagers as the rest of the characters. I don't believe the town of Forks would believe that Carlisle is the brilliant doctor he's supposed to be if he looks like he just got out of high school. And his wife Esme looks like she could be either Alice or Rosalie's sister, so the respect of "age" doesn't come into play for me.

I'm seriously thinking I'll forgo the movie all together and keep my own images in my mind.

Oh, also, I REALLY can't see their choice in Jacob Black. The guy they chose looks way too young to me, even though he is supposed to be younger than Bella in the book. I can't see how they'd be able to morph him into the HUGE version of Jake who is this garganchuan monster in the other books. He looks smaller than Edward and I just can't picture that.

The choice for Edward isn't exactly who I had in mind either, but he'll do. I pictured Edward to have slightly darker hair and to have a elegance and grace about him that can only come with time and experience as a vampire of his "age". We'll see if the Harry Potter star pulls his weight for me. (or maybe we won't. Again, I just don't know if I'll see the movie).

I don't know about the acting skills of the girl they chose for Bella, but she looks just as I pictured her in my mind while reading the book. She has a "pretty tom-boyishness" about her and the girl they chose is just that.

Well, back to reading the book.

Almost Done With Number 4

2008-09-30T20:46:00.001-07:00

Three quarters of the way done with Breaking Dawn.

I told Nate I wouldn't start the fourth book yesterday, and couldn't put it down all day today!

There has to be something wrong with me when I wake up at 0400 am and can't sleep and so I figure....."Oh well, I'll just get up and start reading again!"

I really am hooked...... and this isn't like me. Thanx Aub, you're rubbing off on me.

Nate asks me if I want to drive in to Castle Rock with him and I tell him, "no ", and then think.....SURE! Free reading time on the drive!

Wet Noodle

2008-09-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

Go Team Edward!!!!!

Third book down!

AH, AH, AH, AH!!!

So, Aub calls me with quotes from a new book she's reading and the quote sounds like something that I would definitely put some serious time into reading and it just happens to be the book "Wicked"! I've wanted to either see the play or read the book since I saw the picture advertisement! Now I really know I want to read it.

I told her she can't read it until I am able to read along with her and I've still got the 4th of the Twilight series to finish! OMG, I don't feel like I have a life when I'm in the middle of a book. I think of nothing else, I can't wait to pick up the book while I'm at work. I'm like a wet noodle!

I was thinking I'd be able to return to humanity when I finished the Twilight series. I guess I'll just continue on to being a zombie until I'm finished with Breaking Dawn and then Wicked!

By the way, what better way to enjoy the changing of season and coming of Halloween!

MWU-AH AH AH AH AH!!!!

Brie and Wine

2008-09-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

Heather and I had a wine and crackers night tonight and I must say, I'm in love with Brie. I didn't like the smell when I first encountered it fresh out of the microwave all hot and oozing out if the white, crust-like shell. But I've learned not to judge a food by it's smell when mom introduced me to feta cheese! Yummy! If I'd judged it by it's smell, I'd never have tasted it because it smelled like baby barf! I haven't judged a food by it's looks either or I would never have eaten smoked oysters.

Have you ever looked at a smoked oyster? It looks a bit like female genitalia! I know....kind of disgusting really. So I guess it was a good thing I started eating them in my childhood when I didn't look at them or I would not have tried them at all.

Sharing smoked oysters and crackers with butter has always been a cherished memory of mine. Grandma Martin, mom and I would basically take turns forking an oyster and putting it on a buttered saltine and we'd eat until they were gone. Then we'd put the leftover oil on the cracker until we were satisfied. When I meet up with Grandma and mom in heaven I hope there are oysters and crackers. That's going to be something we do, share a tin of oysters!

Hey, that's the next late night snack idea, Brie, Braeburn apples, strawberries, grapes, crackers, oysters and wine.

The wine tonight was a Reisling and the maker was Hogue. Yummy. Sweet and tart with just a slight bite. What a great mix with Brie and crackers. Mon Davi White Zinfandel would have also been a great choice with Brie!

Another fattening food I absolutely adore is marinated artichoke hearts, only it has to be Cara Mia brand or none at all! I love them! Sam's club sells the biggest container I've ever seen and when I feel like splurging I'll buy one! I can make an entire meal of marinated artichoke hearts!

Now the bad part is the choice to eat cheese and crackers with wine prior to going to bed! I haven't really been following my usual regimen of food monitoring and checking myself before partaking lately. I haven't really cared too much and that's NOT ME! I haven't been exercising either because of the issue I've had with my sciatic nerve on my left leg and not having my exercise room available while it's getting a makeover. So all the hard work and progress I've been making in exercise has been slowly going to pot!

To top the night off, I watched my recently returned DVD of Pride and Prejudice! Thanx Aub!

We left it in Michigan in June and have seriously considered buying another copy, but the ones at Walmart are full screen and THAT IS NOT AN OPTION in my house! Nate would absolutely have a bloomin' cow! And, I'm afraid I'd be agreeing with him on that one because I love the movie so much, I don't want to cut out anything the director intended me to see in the first place. More on this movie later!

To My Singing Lil' Ray of Sunshine

2008-09-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday my little Monkey cheeks! I wish I could hug you and squeeze you and give you your presents myself.

It's hard to believe two years has passed since your mother labored all night until you were born on the morning of September 20th. What a glorious day it was and we are so blessed to have such a little ray of sunshine in our family.

I love you so much. Grammy T

Hot and Cold

2008-09-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

So the heating guy came yesterday and found that the switch to the boiler that runs the radiant heater hasn't been switching off...............at all!!

In other words, we've been burning propane constantly to run a heater that isn't on! The original cost to fill the big propane tank outside (because we don't live where there are gas lines) was about $600.00. It went up with flying high gas prices to $800.00, then $900.00 per fill. We filled it three times last year. You do the math for last years propane use!

We rarely ran the heat last year because it cost so much to fill the tank. Thus, the cold morning showers, the cold basement air, the COLD EVERYTHING! We've been using the wood burning stove upstairs, but that really only heats one room, then it's off to the dungeon cold bedrooms for a long long winters nap. I invested in heating blankets and space heaters for everyone last year.

Now we know why it's cost so much to use the broiler and I'm infuriated! I've been freezing and not turning on the heat because of a stupid SWITCH that's broken. I could just.....just.....just......break something.

Poor Nate has been running his tail off with all the projects he's taken on. The freezer, the heater, Heather's car, the new gym.

Heather needed new tires so we helped with the financing there, and part of the reason for an entire new tire was driving on a flat. And part of that problem was because she jacked the tire up on an angle and bent her jack, so she needed a new tire and a jack. Wanting to save money, Nate goes to the junk yard to find a jack and tire, pulls down the back seat of the junker car to get to the trunk and a wasp or bee flies out and stings him in the eye, leaving it swollen and bruised. But he got the jack!

He has had a schlew of bad luck when fixing things. I tell him for every one thing he fixes, he breaks one. That's not exactly the case, but close. I love him and am so proud that he is able to do the repairs that he does. He really is very talented!

Defrosting the basement walk in freezer with a tool that looks like a blow drier, he propped the heater tool up and left it to melt the ice, forgetting that this tool gets hot enough to melt aluminum and burned up the wiring, thus making the freezer useless. He had to find room for all the food from the walk in freezer in the two refrigerator freezers upstairs. He had to call a repair man, who kept changing the dates of repair. Nate finally bagged using the repair man and figured out for himself how to fix the freezer. It turns out, the freezer was improperly wired the whole time and that is why it was freezing over in the first place!

Another mishap, during the big gym building extravaganza, sparks flew while Nate was drilling or something in the ceiling, and it melted a hole in the broiler tubing to the radiant heaters, thus shutting down any chance of heat. So he calls the repair guy and this is when he found out that the switch was broken and has been remaining on the whole time, thus the outrageous propane bills!

So, it has been through the mistakes made that Nate's discovered the original problems with the freezer and radiant heater. If Heather hadn't driven on her flat, and jacked the tire upon the crooked part of the road, she wouldn't have needed a new rim or jack! What a mess! What a cost!

So the food is all back in the walk in freezer and the parts for the heater have been ordered so maybe there is a chance we'll be able to run the heat this winter!

Thanx Nate for going the extra miles!

Cold ShOwEr!!!

2008-09-18T05:07:00.000-07:00

I hate getting up at 0450 on a fall or winter morning (pretty much the same in the dungeon) to shower in a basement bathroom that is not heated! Makes me want to stay in the hot water too long! Heat guy is coming today. Pray he fixes the heater, because I'm not sure I'll be smelling too good at work if I have to endure another winter of this!

Wisdom Teeth, New Gym and Hospital Moving Day

2008-09-15T15:51:00.000-07:00

This is my beautiful, bodacious, honey daughter. I have to start this blog out with pictures of her on a good day so that the following pictures show the depth of swelling she's had from her wisdom teeth extraction.

She wasn't having a good day last Thursday the 10th when she had her four wisdom teeth extracted. Poor thing! Not a happy camper!
The swelling on the right side of her jaw was considerably more and it's a hard swelling.

We thought this was bad until it became.................

   .....THIS......

   AND THIS

(You know it's really awful of us when we know how bad she feels and how much it hurts but we still can't help laughing a little under our breath because she looks like Goldie Hawn in her fat suit!)
   These were taken on Friday Sept. 11, Post Op day #2

Can you believe this swelling?

The above pictures were all taken on the second day post op. The ones below were taken today, POD #5. Thank god for Vicodin and Ibuprofen! I can't help but wonder how people tolerated getting their wisdom teeth out without pain killers!

I only wish I'd taken pictures on POD #3 because her right eye was swelling shut and she was getting a black eye, but on POD #4, the swelling went down considerably and there was no black eye.

POD #5

She doesn't look very happy because her wounds are draining an awful tasting something and she's still on pain killers, but the swelling has gone down so much and she can actually give us a little smile. Oh, and she can use a regular teaspoon instead of a rubber coated baby spoon.

Plus she is tolerating some chewing now instead of pudding, yogurt and soup.

THE NEW GYM

Nate started taking down the wall on September 5th. The room will have either a wood or Pergo floor, Murphy beds, our current big screen T.V. and all the exercise equipment. I am so excited I can hardly wait. I had to show off his cute belly!

Belly shot

No idea about the nose powder! (No wonder he's so hyped ha ha)

These pictures are out of order but Nate and Whit are removing all the wood that was once a wall to reveal a bigger open space. Follow the big beam seen here in this picture and you'll be able to decipher what wall is being removed! He's going to stain that beam so it will be really beautiful when it's done.
   The picture above has the wall removed. Just need to take off the board on the floor.
   All the boards coming down
   Almost done

   Out of order, this is the wall being taken down.
Whit has become quite a skilled worker. I can't believe he once looked up at me from below my hips and held onto my pants. I kept looking at him with awe knowing that he is now a full grown man. It's as amazing to have your kids grow up and become adults, and live in an adult world doing adult things. I think this is a hard transition for me (but a good one, kinda like becoming a grandmother).
   My carpenter hubby

Removing the last bit of sheetrock

The wall before it was removed

THE BIG MOVE AT SKY RIDGE

We recently moved from the 5th floor to our brand new 3rd floor at SRMC.

The rooms no longer have carpet, but a Pergo-like flooring.
Our rooms smell so clean and they each have a tiled bathroom with a hand held shower and blow-drier. The strip above the bed has oxygen and suction on both sides of the bed as well as electrical outlets which makes moving the patient around to sit on the chair much easier. Each room has a recliner, desk with computer plugs and nightstand. The couches we ordered make up into a bed, but they didn't get to us in time so we have these really beautiful rented couches in each room (Pictured). I don't know if I'd want to rent these couches from that place knowing where they were before! We will be getting the futon couches sometime in October.
Each floor has a lobby complete with a working fireplace! The smell of new carpet is so wonderful!
Janet RN CNC (floor manager) and Theresa CNA posing in front of the Dynamaps (blood pressure machines). Everyone was getting everything ready for the big move downstairs. I really had no idea how hard moving an entire floor of patients would be let alone all the equipment, supplies, office stuff, telemetry station, etc. It was a lot of work and we all went home exhausted but it was so worth it because now we have computers in the rooms, so we don't have to push around the C.O.W.'s (computer on wheels). Everyone loves all our changes.

Our floor and the ICU are the only floors at Sky Ridge to have the computers built into the rooms. You can't imagine how difficult pushing those big bulky computers room to room was It's made life at work so much nicer.

This blog has taken over two hours and dinner needs to be made. More updates later.

100 Factoids about me

2008-09-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

1- I was vegetarian for 7 yrs. No meat, no sugar, no eggs (except to bake with), no white flour anything! I was exceptionally aware of everything bad for me and hardly ever cheated! Then pregnancy with Whit changed everything....Big boned boy= meat protein + lots of carbs of any kind. Never went back.....but I must say I felt much better then.

2- I wouldn't let Aub pierce her navel until I did, I just couldn't have it and had to have a say in it. See #3.

3- My mom wouldn't let me pierce my ears until I was 13, thus I had Aub's done at one year old and Heathers much earlier than that! Debbie and mom were with me when I got my ears pierced.

4- I have three pierces on the left ear and one on the right, plus my navel, so 4+1=5 total piercings.

5- I was 28 years old when I went to a bar for the first time. It was fun! My sister Lori planned everything and provided the party favors, the balloons and the friends since I didn't have any drinking friends. The band was awesome. I still feel like a kid in a liquor store though!

6- I have an ear tag on my right ear (birth mark). Mom said I had another one fall off as a baby. It must have been the bottom of my R ear lobe because it is flat and it looks cut off!

7- Heather and I sound alike on the phone. Even Nate gets us mixed up. Funny thing about that is that Nate and his brother Ken sounded the same too. Once, Ken fooled Laura, his wife, and as she was sleeping on the couch, Ken laid over her, kissed her on the lips and said "Where's Ken?" She jumped out of her skin! My kids and Nate have called here and when I've answered they ask "where's mom?" thinking I'm Heather. Cracks me up every time.

8- I had all three of my kids at home, each with different midwives.

9- My biggest cleaning pet peeve is a dirty floor. I hate dirt on my feet.

10- My favorite animal is a dog

11- I am still mourning the loss of my mother, (may I see you again momma! I think about you all the time.)

12- I miss my sister Debbie, grandparents, and other family members who've left us too.

13- I have no allergies-----Hip Hip Hurrah for me!

14- I love cheese and milk products but avoid them as much as possible.

15- I lost my original wedding band. This really broke my heart. Have no idea where it went.

16- I do not loan my DVD's and my children know it all too well!

17- I used to loan my books but have lost too many of them to the loanee's thus no loans there either!

18- The number 5 has been both good and bad for me and my family. The number three is my good luck number.

19- I hate raw okra (slimy)

20- I collect tea pots and frogs.

21- I'm constantly fighting hangnails and chapped lips thus the blog title.

22-Gymnastics has left me an arthritic neck.

23- In high school I broke my butt (Literally!!!, Songleader tryouts, jump splits, tore my left gluteus maximus and broke the butt bone!)

24- I think this day and age has too many passwords and numbers to remember (blog, email, work, bank, phone number, cell number, other peoples phone and cell numbers etc, etc, etc)

25- My favorite perfume is Hypnotic Poison (thanx Aub), then Happy! I like Angel too!

26- Laying with my husband calms me.

27- My tongue burns when I'm dehydrated.

28- I wish I was an actor, but I'm too chicken.

29- I've been in about 5 plays in my life from childhood to adulthood. I played Glinda the Good Witch in our 6th grade Wizard of Oz play. I also was one of the wives in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I did a couple other town plays too.

30- I love to learn about health.

31- We named my son Whitney after a man who had the name before that Houston chick!

32- I love to fly, I love airports, I love getting my luggage, I love the take off and landing! Just love it all!

33- I can't brag about having 20/20 vision anymore......damn!

34- If the t.v. is on I can go to sleep faster (Nate turns it off for me).

35- My dream vacation consists of a white sands beach, water the color of the sky, a Margarita in one hand, a book in the other, sunglasses, and a day to do nothing but lounge and slip into oblivion.

36- I haven't had my dream vacation yet.......

37- Aside from the birth of my kids, the heart surgery I witnessed was the single most amazing thing I've seen in my life.....Thank you Dr Nene for allowing me in to watch (I can see why some surgeons think they are gods.......some practically are!)

38- I would like to witness an autopsy.

39- My husband is a better carpenter than your husband! (and cuter too)

40- I don't have nightmares about being in high school and missing the entire semester then showing up for the final totally oblivious anymore! That was a reoccurring one for me! You too?

41- I snore

42- I hog the bed.

41- My husband wrote #'s 41 and 42 without my permission when I walked away from my blog, and so I refuse to acknowledge them, however, he has it wrong, He snores and He hogs the bed (I guess that's acknowledging them, but it's hard not to since I am the one writing the blog).

42- I'm having second and third thoughts about having a puppy. I'm not sure I am ready for potty training, screaming in her cage, and taking her out to pee EVERY 15 MINUTES!

43- I don't care for carbonated drinks

44- I am a pasta FIEND! Spaghetti, linguine, fettucini, all of it!

45- I can't tell a joke unless it is short..... I always remember the punch-line but not the rest of the joke. So I don't tell them well.

46- I wanted to study computer science but Nate convinced me to go into nursing.

47- I wish I'd gone into computers! Nursing is demanding and not the "comfort, comfort, wipe your brow" sort of thing. Mostly it's dealing with over demanding patients and their family members.

48- I dream of going to England, Australia and France.

49- I took French in college.........Parlez vous Francais? Not much. I'd like to do the Rosetta Stone version.

50- I've kept a journal since junior high school. My blog has kind of taken over for it.

51- I was in a Chox Vitamins commercial when I was about 4 or 5 years old with Bernie Calderwood, a local T.V. personality. As an adult I was his wife's nurse at LDS hospital.

52- I used to get ingrown toe nails really bad as a kid. So in 7th grade the doc removed my entire toenail on my left great toe. My two big toe nails look different even still. Everyone stepped on my hurt toe too!

53- My hair was strawberry blonde when I was little......much like my granddaughter Clara's.

54- I remember having chicken pox when I was two years old and mom standing me on the table to dab Calamine lotion on my spots.

55- I feel like I'm behind because I only read music a little. It's like not being able to read a book to me.

56- I have an adopted sister, Lori. We got her when she was two days old and I can remember sitting in the back seat waiting to be able to hold her. Grandma Eggett got to hold her before me. The doctor accompanied my parents to our car with the baby and asked me if he could trade his kitten for our new baby. I can remember thinking he was a little Loo-Lee for asking! I was 3 1/2 years old.

57- My parents have never treated my sister and I any different regardless of blood!

58- My mom was Christian, my dad agnostic. I'm an Agnostic Christian.

59- I love pie over cake. I love tarts and pie and basically anything with fruit in it.

60- My mom never let us have candy growing up so I have very few cavities. However, I allowed tons of candy in our house and two of my kids have no cavities at all! Ha Ha

61- I don't kill spiders. Just catch them in a glass and set them free outside where they belong.

62- I love to sleep in. Problem is, sleeping in for me is until 7 or 8 am. 0500 a.m. has been my habit most of my life.

63- I've gone a whole twelve hour shift without peeing. Not bragging....just sometimes I don't get a break!

64- I wanted 4-5 kids. Nate didn't. We have three. I quote him all the time. "Two kids is just right. It took us three to figure that out!"

65- I love crackers and oysters

66- I love marinated artichoke hearts......... I can eat a whole jar myself (the big big jar)

67- I don't miss high school

68- If I had the time I'd go back and get my masters degree.....just not entirely committed to what subject I'd get it in.

69- I just got a new job in Cardiac Rehab. I'm excited

70- I got married at 21. Too young!

71- I had my first child at 23......two young

72- Aerosmith is one of my favorite rock groups. I saw them live with my sister and we were the only ones on our feet screaming with the music in our section. Drove out the people around us.

73- I was pregnant with Aubrey when I saw John Denver live at BYU

74- I was depressed for two weeks after seeing Michael Hedges live, largely because of his freedom of creativity and how uninhibited he was. I kinda felt like a creative retard after seeing him.

75- A fellow nurse at work said I reminded her of a hippie type, and I felt complimented. I remember growing up around hippies and wanted to be like them.

76- I wouldn't even take ibuprofen or aspirin for a headache when I was pregnant. I suffered through all kinds of aches and pains when I was pregga.

77- Later, I smoked pot off and on for ten years. Then I realized I felt like crap, worried my kids would think down of me and started to look and sound like a smoker. I asked the universe for help to quit. I've been straight for 6 years. (Yes, I smoked pot to get me through nursing school....tee hee).

78- I liked the escape I got from pot, and I liked how free and uninhibited I felt. My biggest reason for quitting is that it's just not my nature. I really like the study and practice of health.

79- I have a hard time remembering names. This has been ongoing since forever (not related to my pot-smoking days). I had a hard time remembering the names of some of the kids I was in school with every day! Some people don't look like their name to me so I subconsciously give them a name that seems more like they look to me and I have gone so far as to actually call someone the name I thought they should be (haha).

80- I sing like a rock star in the bathroom. My favorite song to sing to is Ricky Lee Jones "Danny's All Star Joint". I'll repeat it at least three times before I feel done.

81- I did a Marilyn Monroe act a few times for fun. One time I was hired for a huge group of people (over two hundred)! It was a surprise for a guys birthday. My wig sucked, and my costume wasn't all that great! I wasn't that great at doing Marilyn's impression either. That one was the last one I did (totalled about 4). My agent asked me to cut my hair! NOT A CHANCE!

82- I sang in a group called "Night Owl" with my husband and his brother Ken. I was the drummer.

83- I started learning to play the drums when pregnant with my second daughter Heather.

84- I hit the drum and Heather jumped in my tummy! It was awesome!

85- Our last gig was for a church group and we couldn't even get anyone out on the floor to dance. Ken's wives didn't approve of some of our lyrics (they were all covers) which put a damper on things. Some family members still have our demo tape.

86- Aubrey jumped in my tummy when John Denver sang at BYU! That was awesome too.

87- This is getting more tiresome than I thought.

88- I have always been really good at spelling.........as I age this isn't always the case.

89- I don't want to live to be 100

90- If I become incontinent I think I'll probably want to be "put down"

91- I have chronic tinnitus (ringing in my ears). It's quite annoying, and have to have the t.v. turned up beyond the ringing

92- I used to walk around on my toes (curled under my feet). Since I broke my pinkie toe I can't do it any more.

93- I also used to be able to do the splitz! Only on my left side. Left sided cartwheels, left sided splitz etc. But I write with my right hand.

94- I was Miss Riverton in 1982. I tried out one other time and lost. I also won best talent.

95- I hate beauty pageants

96- I have a big mole on my face that I would gladly have removed.....except because they aren't cancerous or tumerous their removal would be considered cosmetic and would cost too much to take off.

97- My daughter Aub fills my loneliness gap alot!

98- My grandkids are the light of my life

99- I can count on my hands twice over how many times I've help my grandson James

100- I hope to vacation in Michigan this summer to see my daughters family........and my sweet grandchildren!

101-I rebel against he name "Grandma". I like Meme or grammy. My daughter, the mother of my grandkids, has not followed suite.

New Reads

2008-09-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

So after much convincing, Aub made me put down my current book and start reading Stephenie Meyer's series. I don't like to be in the middle of one book and start another it just seems wrong........ but my girl is pushy and so I started, and FINISHED, the first book, Twilight. I can hardly wait to start the second.

I had to buy them online because the wait for them from the library is ridiculous. I'd be like 9th in line. Aub wanted me to finish them before the movie comes out and I thought she was nuts......four books before November. Riiiiiiiiight!!! My reading skills and HER reading skills are in totally different ball parks. But, it was an easy read and truly hard to put down. I think I can do it. But I'm not totally convinced that I'm going to want to see the movie. After all, I did real the entire book The Other Boleyn Girl and was sooooooooooo entirely disappointed in the movie.

So, on to New Moon

Jot of the Day

2008-09-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

Some bear is running around with a tummy ache!

Leave the garbage cans out once, shame on you,

Leave the garbage cans out twice,

Well,

Just DON'T leave them out twice!

We've been bringing in the garbage cans each night and leaving them in the garage so the bears don't get into them, however, last night they were left out and.............. well, we got up to garbage strewned all over and noticed a carton of spoiled milk and some rotten berries had been DEVOURED! Yikes. Must be slim pickins in the forest!

We bought two feather pillows and a stainless steel garbage can for the kitchen yesterday. Total cost........$182.00! Ouch! Expensive garbage can. But it is sooo nice! Not necessarily $140.00 nice, but nice! Like Nate said, we won't have to buy another one for a LONG time.

Me love you long tine garbage can!

I've been using Heather's feather pillow and sleeping without getting a kinked neck. So we went shopping for pillows yesterday and finally found one that met up to being as close to hers as possible. Nate made fun of me carrying around Heather's pillow in the stores because her black pillowcase had a little slobber on it, but it could have been mistaken for something else.........(I'll let your imagination run wild with that one). Heather says to me...."mom, didn't they look at you funny at Walmart carrying around the pillow?" I said I didn't care, this has to do with my aching neck and a good nights sleep!

So we brought them home, and I laid on my bed going back and forth between my new pillow and Heathers to make sure the new one was comparable. It seemed just fine, so I snipped off the little tags that say it's illegal to snip off and perma-inked my name to my new sleeping companion. Sadly, I woke with a neckache this morning and was upset because the material covering the pillow makes a crinkling noise and felt a little stiff! I am taking into account that it is brand new and like new shoes may require some wearing in. Hopefully a few nights of punching it down and moving it around will soften it up. I can only hope, otherwise it's off to the stores again. They were only $14.00 so if I have to reinvest, I won't cry.

We are counting calories, Nate and I, and this mornings breakfast of scrambled egg whites with one egg yolk, green peppers, onions, spinach, a piece of toast with butter and a cup of joe with creamer and sugar............total calorie cost......383 cals! I'm allotted a total of 1384 calories for a day so I can average 346 calories for one meal and have 346 to spare in snax, or 461 calories a meal total without snax. Yesterday I drank one and 1/2 cans of Lipton tea! Haven't added up yesterdays calories but I know I went overboard cuz I snacked quite a few times.

This may be harder than I thought! Not just the watching of calories, but adding them up. Lucky for me I have two really good books to find calorie counts on. It does help though because when you know how much is in a can of Coke, it makes you question if you would rather have the Coke or eat a meal!

When I was a vegetarian, I never worried about counting calories. In fact, I never even worried about losing weight! I just never put it on! It has steadily gotten more difficult as I've aged to lose weight. I used to be able to just start an exercise program and before I knew it, I looked great. Now, I have to work much harder at keeping away from the treats and keeping up with the exercise program just to maintain where I am, let alone start losing weight or looking trimmer.

Tornadoes Away!!

2008-08-31T13:59:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday we had a tornado warning at work and we were required to get all the patients out into the hall, turn off the lights, oxygen and pull down the blinds in each room. Our poor sick patients sat in the halls for an hour and a half looking at each other, each one probably wondering what the other was "in for"! The pictures above were taken by one of our nurses from his home. There were several tornados in different towns. These were only miles from the hospital. The sky was dark and it was a little spooky. Some of the tornadoes touched down and damaged houses.

So since I've been here in Colorado over the past three years time, I've been stuck at the hospital twice overnight for blizzards, been in hospital lock downs for tornados and our hospital had a lockdown for a questionable white substance found on the light rail.

The blizzard shut down the highway from Denver to New Mexico. We were legally obliged to stay at the hospital because of the highway shut down, no one could come to work and we couldn't leave.

Oh yeah, and I've also seen bears and there's been a mountain lion warning up in the hills of Perry Park just down the street from us here.

Quite the place our Colorado!!!!

Oh, just a little addendum, when I was working at LDS hospital, can't remember what year, we had a tornado up on the mountain. I was in the endoscopy unit and getting ready to discharge my patient when her husband came in and announced there had been a tornado. We were like, "nuh uh, tornadoes don't happen in Utah, and they definitely don't happen in the mountains". Sure enough, we walked down to the revolving doors and they had been completely pushed inward, leaving them totally unusable. Later in the day a bunch of us went outside to scope out the neighborhood and couldn't believe what we saw. Houses had lost their shingles, trees had been uprooted or knocked over onto houses. Garbage was all over. It was a mess! We were astonished! I still have the little tornado pin on my IHC jacket!!!